Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Hollywood's Shittiest Months: May 2010

Iron Man 2 (May 7th): Can't wait. The first one was surprisingly kick-ass and now they've added Mickey Rourke, Sam Rockwell, Scarlett Johansson, Don Cheadle, and are following through on their Sam Jackson cameo. I have no doubt that the first film's quality is carry over into the sequel. I will miss Jeff Bridges though.
He Shot Cyrus' Prolific Grade: A-

Babies (May 7th): Talk about Babies has been floating around for the past few months. The documentary follows four babies from around the globe for an entire year of their young lives. They've got babies from Tokyo, Nambia, San Francisco, and Mongolia. While this look incredibly adorable, I feel the need to plug another documentary seemingly related in theme: Ken Wardrop's His & Hers which interviews women from infancy to elderliness in an attempt to tell a single story. Babies looks really good. His & Hers is really good. I recommend them both.
He Shot Cyrus' Prolific Grade: B+

Just Wright (May 14th): A physical therapist (Queen Latifah) falls for a basketball player (Common) she's helping recover from a career-threatening injury. Let's hope it's closer to Brown Sugar than to Beauty Shop. And while I'd rather listen to an album starring these two, I'll gladly check out their movie. Would I recommend that you check it out? Don't know if I can go that far.
He Shot Cyrus' Prolific Grade: C+

Looking for Eric (May 14th): Social realist filmmaker Ken Loach has made another high-quality film that won't be seen by nearly enough people. It's Cannes debut and 89% rating on RottenTomatos might be enough to get some people (hopefully myself included) to give Loach a try but chances are...nobody's going to be looking for Looking.
He Shot Cyrus' Prolific Grade: A-

Robin Hood (May 14th): Hollywood: Did you hear that Russell Crowe's-- Me: No thank you. Hollywood: Just wait a sec, what would you say to a new Robin Hood-- Me: No thank you. Hollywood: Ridley-- Me: I said "No thank you!" Hollywood: But they made Gladiator! *I walk away*
He Shot Cyrus' Prolific Grade: C-

Letters to Juliet (May 14th): I'm open to romance in films. Someone recommends Four Weddings and a Funeral, I'm open. The Notebook? Sure, I'll give it a try. But when I read the synopsis of Letters to Juliet, I realized that I wasn't as open as I thought. As it turns out, the thought of watching Amanda Seyfried and Vanessa Redgrave allow fate to bring love into their respective lives on the streets of Verona makes me want to die. Or at least sleep. For a very long time. See this if you want but I'm skipping it.
He Shot Cyrus' Prolific Grade: B (for 'Boring')

Shrek Forever After (May 21st): They're really doing this, aren't they? The first was game-changing, the second was begged for, the third was graciously accepted but the fourth? Is there really that much more story to tell? I'm sensing a Land Before Time legacy approaching.
He Shot Cyrus' Prolific Grade: C+

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (May 28th): Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. *breath* Hahahahahahahahahahaha. No. No. Nononononononono! Ben Kingsley, help me out here.

He Shot Cyrus' Prolific Grade: D+

Sex and the City 2 (May 28th): I'm going to get hate for this but I don't care. I'm not a Prince of Persia type of guy. I'm a Sex and the City guy. I'll take a fluffy rom-com over a plotless action flick any day. No amount of Gyllenhaal shirtlessness and steroid abuse is going to convince me otherwise. I'd rather watch Kristen Davis talk about sex for two hours. But that's just me.
He Shot Cyrus' Prolific Grade: B+


Lunatone said...

How did I NOT know that the fourth Shrek was being made NOT TO MENTION Coming out in TWO months?! Not sure how I feel about it, other than that. Especially since I haven't watched the trailer yet.

Also, I AM SO FUCKING BITTER ABOUT ROBIN HOOD. I cannot stress this enough. I LOVE AND ADORE EVERYTHING Robin Hood related. LOVE. Why Russel Crowe & WHY RUSSELL CROWE IN TWO PARTS?! Is this a Martin Lawrence film??? JESUS.

Goose3984 said...

I agree Iron man looks great, You know what a Shrek fan i am, but this is to to much. Funny thing i said the same thing to Amanda, the Land Before time bit.

Andrew: Encore Entertainment said...

Lunatone, I don't think Russell is playing two characters anymore. Matthew McFayden (Darcy in Pride & Prejudice) is the Sheriff now. Come on, this is a Cate Blanchett movie elgringo. How bad can it be?

elgringo said...

Three words: The Good German

Andrew: Encore Entertainment said...