Top 10 Pictures I've Ever Posted

This is what Guy Pearce looks like to me.

Why Remake When You Can Combine:

Paul Blart, Chopping Mall Cop

The Calamari Wrestler

Why Remake When You Can Combine: Walk the Coraline

A Reader Graph

Why Remake When You Can Combine:

He's Just Not That Into The Godfather

Before he was a noteworthy actor, Jeff Goldbum made his living off of

hooliganizing and Old Lady Sleeper Holds.

This was from my fourth post ever.

Watching movies on Netflix Instant Watch makes screen captures difficult.

That's why I had to draw this depiction of the very skippable Gut Pile.

When casting "The Office" movie, it became clear that

the ghost of 79-year-old

Lucille Ball was a perfect choice for Meredith.

This collage was made to represent the wide array of

Anna Faris' acting skills.

According to Dennis Schwartz of Ozus' World Movie Reviews,

the fact that Kids "could easily pass for a kiddie porn film" is FRESH!

Precious (2009)

I'm sure you've heard all the praise you can handle when it comes to Precious. It was all the rage at Sundance. Tyler Perry and Oprah both back it. This year's Oscars are all but spoken for. Everyone and their mother is talking about this movie. And you know what? It's a film that that deserves its praise. Along with Mary and Max and The Hurt Locker, Lee Daniel's melodramiatic gut-puncher sits confidently in my Top Three of '09. For those fearing that their viewings will be tainted by "overhype," a cinematic disease that hurt movies like Fight Club for me and Paranormal Activity for others, then stop reading here. This post is gettin' gushy.

Flipping through the Sundance schedule book, I came across the commanding picture to the right. Immediately, I picked out Push (as it was named back then) as the Must-See film of the festival. My hunches aren't often right when it comes to which movies film juries are going to choose (Kidman/The Hours over Lane/Unfaithful? Are you kidding me?) but as screenings of Push began to return wholly positive feedback, it looked like my pick was on its way.

As you may or may not know, it went on to win both the Grand Jury Prize and the Audience Award, only the third film in Sundance history to do so. As Oscar murmurs begin to circulate, the word Precious keeps getting placed next to "Best Actress," "Best Supporting Actress," "Best Director," "Best Picture," among others. I wouldn't be surprised if those pairings are still being made come gametime.

Gabourey Sidibe is a force to be reckoned with. Rumors started circulating, attacking her acting abilities, saying that she was simply playing herself (to a more extreme version, of course). But these were bullshit and as Sidibe started hitting the campaign trail, this became crystal clear. Donning the face of a warrior, the bubbily and humorous Sidibe, transforms into this character so full of hurt and pain that she involuntarily trusts no one. She holds the presence and the talent to carry a film like Precious on her shoulders but luckily for the viewer, she didn't have to.

Lee Daniels (Shadowboxer) did the unthinkable when he cast the film’s supporting roles. First, he brought on a comedian, Mo’Nique, to play the wretched villain. Then he cast two singers (one, a Worst Actress Razzie "winner") to play substantial characters. Lenny Kravitz plays a nurse who bonds with Precious after she delivers her baby and Mariah Carey plays a social worker who swears to help the standoffish teenager.

As unprobable as successful results seemed, all of the pieces come together and really deliver one hell of a film. Carey is almost unrecognizable in her role and ends every doubt about her acting chops that Glitter set in place. Mo’Nique’s performance as the abusive mother is untouchable. Thankfully, she got the praise she deserved when she won Sundance's Special Jury Prize for Acting.

A second viewing today enforced what I've been saying since January: Push/Precious is one of the best movies of the year and while it may not be for everyone, it certainly was for the hundreds of people who packed that screenings that I've attended.

The Sequel Was Better: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Take a good look at that name. Someone pitched that idea to network executives who all agreed that it was a good idea. Makes you wonder if was their first idea like this or if Middle Aged Mutant Military Monkeys almost saw the light of day. For the Turtles, their origins date back to a comic book, which led to a toy line, which then led to the CBS Saturday morning cartoon. That's where I jumped on board.

Along with C.O.P.S., Pro Stars, and Ghostbusters, TMNT was a childhood staple. When my family bought VHS copies of the Ninja Turtle movies, they remained on constant Watch. Rewind. Repeat. mode for years. They were my favorites! But that being said, I always had a favorite favorite. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze was and is the best TMNT movie. And I'm going to prove it.

Reason #1: Ninja Turtles lying half dead in bathtubs is unacceptable. [4:30 in]

Riding skateboards down sewer tunnels. Eating pizza off weaponry. Creating new and exciting catchphrases. These are things that Ninja Turtles do. Ninja Turtles do not receive beatings so violent that their unconcious bodies must be stored in bathtubs for days at a time. Turtles don't cry. Turtles don't sink into depression. This leads us into my second point.

Reason #2: I like my Turtles funny.

In a pinch, linked sausage may be substituted for nunchucks. When trying to confuse burglars, pretend to be an inflatable, novelty punching bag. All important lessons we can learn from TMNT II. If this opening scene doesn't make you laugh then you're probably one of those people who love Biff's Hill Valley more than regular Hill Valley. You bastard.

Reason #3: Ninja! Ninja...Rap!

No explaination needed.

Mary & Max

This post could have quickly turned into a rant describing my immense frustrations with films like Space Chimps making their way through American cinemas, whoring themselves to any family who don't know any better, while films like Mary & Max are nowhere to be found. But the truth is, I haven't hated the majority of animated features released in the past few years.

Sequels aside, Hollywood has continued to develop projects with depth and substance and that aren't being discounted just because they're cartoons. Independent filmmakers have created a smaller but impressive group of movies aimed towards older audiences. Persepolis, Waltz with Bashir, and Fear[s] of the Dark have all received festival attention and praise from critics.

Pixar and Dreamworks' domination in the mainstream market could have resulted in laziness and lackluster product (feel free to make that argument against Dreamworks, if you'd like) but the overall quality of releases have been high. The rising availability of more mature features seems to be saying that America's future with animation may not be as bleak as one might fear, especially if Disney's princesses and talking animals aren't doing it for them. But what does that mean for Mary & Max, a film that after one viewing took a firm place in my mental list of Top 3 Films of the year?

The story revolves around a young Austrailian girl named Mary who has a birthmark on her forehead and a non-existence support system. One day, she writes a letter to a man she's never met and whose address she's ripped out of a phone book at random. Her letter arrives at an apartment in New York, where it's carefully read by an overweight, friendless, man who's suffering from Asperger's syndrome. And while her letters often induce sever panic attacks for poor Max, the unlikely couple become close, close friends and continue to write each other through the next two decades.

Mary & Max is an awe-inspiring stop-motion claymation film by Adam Elliot, the man behind Harvie Krumpet, the Oscar-winning short. Elliot labored over Mary & Max for years and the results seem to have worth the effort. It premiered at Sundance--opening night, no less. It holds a 96% on Rotten Tomatoes and features some of the most breathtaking animation that's ever been recorded.

From converying complex emotions to capturing the look of falling rain, Elliot's claymation the most impressive that I've ever seen. Don't get me wrong, I love Wallace and Gromit as much as the next guy, and I'm sure I still have my "Clay Fighter" cartridge around here somewhere, but when it comes to this medium, I've never seen anything as overwhelmingly incredible as Mary & Max. And I don't think I'm alone here. And it's not just the visuals that will win viewers over, the story is inventive and touching. With Philip Seymour Hoffman and Toni Collette providing the voice work, Mary & Max is the complete package, everything you would hope for from an animated film.

So why isn't it playing in theaters? Why hasn't anyone besides festival attenders ever heard of this movie? Perhaps things are being held up on the business end of things; or maybe this is just how long distribution takes and even though my impatience may feel like it's helping, it's most likely not. It could be a number of reasons but I have a hunch. My guess for why Mary & Max hasn't seen the light of day in the U.S. is because it simply falls in the middle...and if there's one thing that Hollywood doesn't know how to promote, it's the middle.

The animation is humorously exaggerated and cartoonish (unlike Triplet of Belleville which was disturbingly exaggrated), which makes it seem like its target audience is children but the themes and content are definitely aimed at older movie-goers. Alcoholism, loneliness, despair, and suicide, are all themes incorporated in the film but it still recieved a PG-rating when it was released in Austrailia. But you shouldn't be confused, this isn't Meet the Feebles or Fritz the Cat. It's not dark enough to be classified as an Adults-Only movie but it's too dark to be considered Family Friendly. So as the next Sundance Festival approaches, the fate of this year's opening film will most likely still remain in the balance. And it will stay there until someone thinks far enough outside the box to figure out how to properly market an animated movie that talks about prostitues in a way that doesn't really push too many boundaries or buttons.

Excitement! Wonder! Internet!

For true film lovers, "Making Of" featurettes and official commentary tracks aren't always enough. Sometimes, you've just got to track down someone who actually worked on the film and ask them all the questions that've been bugging you. Months and months and months ago, Rob Rector and I got in contact through The Lamb and I've been recording podcasts with my favorite Hollywood celebrities ever since.

Rob started Natsukashi with the intent to explore the connection between Nostalgia and Film. Why did we like certain films when we were younger? What do we think about them now?

Here's the exciting part. Rob is currently taking requests from bloggers who want to record an episode. E-mail him, leave a comment, train a pigeon. However you want to do it, let Rob know that you're interested.

To get a sample of what these are like, here are some links to episodes that I recorded at Natsukashi.

Demolition Man (feat. Glenn Shadix, actor)
BeetleJuice (feat. Glenn Shadix, actor)
The Warriors (feat. Irwin Keys, actor)
Return from Witch Mountain
The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T

And here's an episode that Whitney recorded a few months back.

Peter Pan (feat. Edmond Gaynes, actor)

38 Great Things About The Crow

1. NIGHTMARE INSPIRING HAPPINESS

2. NO SKIMPING ON CGI CROWS

3. STREET-WISE TOUGH KID (I.E. DICK TRACY)

4. LOOKS A LOT LIKE SPAWN

5. GREAT CROW POV,

ALTHOUGH THEY SKIMPED ON IT

6. JEFF HARDY IMPRESSION 7. INSPIRED STING'S

(THE PRO WRESTLER--NOT THE SINGER)

OUTFIT

8. KNIFE-CATCHING

9. PUSSIEST SOUNDTRACK EVER!
(SEE: MY LIFE WITH THE THRILL KILL KULT,
PANTERA AND ROLLINS BAND)

10. LOOK! IT'S THE BLACK GHOSTBUSTER!

11. LOOK! IT'S WALTER FROM THE WARRIORS!

("HE SHOT CYRUS!")

12. LOOK! IT'S LORD NIKON FROM HACKERS!

13. ANTAGONIST TURNED INTO KITCHEN ACCESSORY

14. VENGEANCE

15. FOUR CANS OF GASOLINE EQUALS THIS

16. THE BAD GUYS HAVE NAMES LIKE FUNBOY, TIN TIN, AND TOP DOLLAR

17. MAIN BAD GUY LOOKS LIKE

GARY OLDMAN HAD A BABY WITH

TABOO FROM BLACK EYED PEAS

18. CAMERON DIAZ TURNED DOWN THE ROLE

OF SHELLY BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T LIKE THE SCRIPT

19. THE JOKES: "JESUS CHRIST WALKS INTO A HOTEL.

HE HANDS THE INNKEEPER THREE NAILS AND ASKS

'CAN YOU PUT ME UP FOR THE NIGHT?'"

20. THE CROW POSSESSES THE POWER TO

WILL MORPHINE OUT OF A WHORE'S ARM

21. EPILEPTIC MINDREADING FLASHBACKS

22. PROOF THAT BRANDON LEE'S CAREER
WAS ON THE SAME TRACK AS BRANDON LEE

23. THE REALLY GREAT DIALOGUE

24. PATRIOTIC ROOFTOP GUITAR SOLO

25. LOOKS LIKE DARK CITY26. T-BIRD, WE HARDLY KNEW YE

27. THIS

28. VIGILANTE JUSTICE

29. GRIZZLED-FACED LIEUTENENT

30. AND DON'T FORGET THIS! 31. FANTASTIC SETS 32. THE DETROIT ARSONIST LEAGUE 33. STARRING HEATH LEDGER AS THE JOKER 34. COPS WHO CONSTANTLY SAY "WHAT THE CRAP?"

35. THE CROW IS SO 1990'S

THAT EVEN PEOPLE WHO'VE NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE

FEEL NOSTALGIC

36. JUMPING FROM ROOFTOP TO ROOFTOP

IN SLOW MOTION

37. ALL THE BEST SCENES TAKE PLACE DURING RAINSTORMS

38. EXCEPT FOR THE SCENES

THAT TAKE PLACE DURING

MONEY STORMS

477 Movies in 365 Days

On November, 6th 2008 I began keeping a list of all the movies I watched. That night, Whitney and I watched High Sierra (1941). The list progressed and progressed until the other night when we watched May (2002). From beginning to end, 365 days had past, and I had watched 477 movies. The 14-Hour Halloween Horror Movie Marathon certainly gave a nice boost for the end of the year, as did the 31 Days of Horror that preceded. Looking back on the list today, a recap was definitely necessary.

Here are the Top 20 Movies that I watched for the first time during these 365 days.

There's not in any order (except for Push coming in at #1) but if you click on the links they'll take you to either reviews that I've written or other reviews that I really enjoyed.

One will take you to the best parody poster ever created.

Push: Based on the Novel by Sapphire (2009)
The Wrestler (2008)
Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains (1981)
This is the Life: How the West was One (2008)
Little Dieter Needs to Fly (1997)
Crips and Bloods: Made in America (2008)
Paranoid Park (2008)
Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice (1969)
500 Days of Summer (2008)
World’s Greatest Dad (2009)
Westworld (1973)
The Hurt Locker (2009)
Junior High School (1978)
Wendy and Lucy (2008)
A Letter to Three Wives (1949)
The Fly (1986)
Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006)
The Entity (1981)
Paranormal Activity (2007)
Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)