Casting The Office Movie

So, as you've all heard by now, they're making a movie out of TVs hit comedy, "THE OFFICE." As it turns out, during the writers strike, not everyone was taking time off work. Ryan Howard, who writes in addition to acting on the program, got together with some friends and wrote a movie script destined to hit theatres sometime in early 2010.

Rumors have been flying ever since the news broke. Some believe the movie will be a giant finale for the show. Others have guessed that it will serve as a bridge between two seasons. Either way, it's too early to tell. The writers have been extremely tight-lipped as to what the movie will actually be about.

One persistent rumor is that not all of the current cast members will be participating in the feature-length project. This has lead to guessing games as to which roles will have to be recast. According to NBC Executives, the project is still in the earliest of development stages. They promise to keep us updated as all final casting decisions are made.

This is really exciting news for all of us Office fans! It's sad that not everyone will be in the movie and that their roles are going to be recast, but until NBC releases more details, we're left to imagine. That's exactly what I did for today's blog. Here's a guess as to whom will play each character if the original actor/actress opts out. If you have your own guesses, PLEASE, leave a comment with your perfect casting choices!

Here we go. The cast of the new Office movie!

Stephen Colbert as Michael Scott

Clearly the funniest and most talented comedian to come off The Daily Show, Steven Colbert would make a perfect big-screen Michael Scott. Has Steve Carell ever won a Peabody award? I don't think so.

No one plays the boss like Mr. Colbert. He makes me call him that. I vote for a replacement immediately. Even if the movie ends up not getting made, the switch must still be made! Colbert's acting will bring an element of truthiness of which this show has never even dreamed.

Simon Pegg as Dwight Schrute

When it comes to comedy, the British do it best (except for Canadians). For all of you casters of doubt, if Simon Pegg can play Scotty from "Star Trek," then he can play Dwight K. Schrute. Both have weapon skills, dream of time travel, and have a fondness for beets. I can't really prove any of those points for Scotty. Hmmm.... Either way, a Brit is always funnier than a Yankee. It says so in the Bible...or the Constitution. I always get those two mixed up.

Ron Livingston as Jim Halpert

Livingston already played this role in a little movie called Office Space. If Livingston had turned and looked into the camera all the time, The Office could have never been made without copyright infringement. Krasinski has already proved that he's not ready to break into the big time with box office stinkers like Leatherheads and License to Wed. Better leave this one up to the pros.

Sexy Jenna Fischer as Pam Beesly

The first choice for the movie version of Pam was Amy Adams. Further deliberation pointed out that Adams had already appeared on The Office. Remember? She played the woman who sold handbags in the conference room.

I wouldn't want to anger the show's loyal fans (any more than the rest of this list is going to) and cast the same actress for two different roles. If Adams couldn't take the role, the only other woman who could play the adorable secretary/artist is Jenna Fischer. I surely hope she signs on because the movie needs her. She's by far the most important character on the show, wouldn't you agree?

Now, this is the movie version so everything has to be turned up to 11. Fischer has recently appeared in Blades of Glory and Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story. The picture (above, left) is from the Will Ferrell/Jon Heder ice skating movie. In short, Fischer was the only entertaining thing about that flick.

Sexy Pam is the Pam for the new millennium! Don't worry ladies, she's not the only one getting sexier for the movie. Just check out who's playing Ryan.

Paul Rudd as Ryan Howard

I told you. Just look at that picture. There's not one of my female friends who don't think that Paul Rudd isn't gorgeous. And look, he's already grown his "I'm a jerk now" beard!

Suge Knight as Stanley Hudson (Unhappy Office Employee)

In a shocking turn of events, two actors will be playing everyone's favorite crossword-loving grump, Stanley Hudson. For the first half of the film, hip-hop mogul and known felon, Suge Knight will fill the role of "Grumpy Stanley." But good times are coming. Rumors have it that Stanley's greatest wish is going to come true. He gets to retire. The double casting of Stanley and his retirement are two of the FEW plot details leaked out onto the internet this afternoon.

Reginald VelJohnson as Stanley Hudson (Happily Retired Version)

Since he gets to retire, Stanley's go no more reason to be grumpy. That's where the casting change comes into play. Everyone's favorite TV dad, Reginald VelJohnson, from "Family Matters" is the perfect choice for "Happily Retired Stanley!" "We're very excited to have him on board," says the NBC Executive, Kaleen Martin, "his name is always one on the tip of my tongue. When it came time to cast Stanley, I knew that Reginald VelJohnson would be the perfect choice."

Kyle Gass as Kevin Malone

It takes a musician to play a musician. In this case, it takes a guitar player to play a drummer. From Tenacious D to Scrantonocity, Kyle Gass would rock this role! It's the acting role he was born to play. Just give him enough time to practice his Police covers and practice stuffing M&Ms into his mouth, and he will blow you away. I met Kyle Gass once, he was really funny and an all around cool dude. I wonder if Kevin's "touched in the head" storyline will still be going on by 2010?

Hope Davis as Angela Martin

Hope Davis plays "something stuck in her craw" better than anyone. She often plays roles described as "the killjoy," "the weird woman," or the "everyone needs to be more serious! lady." Check her out in About Schmidt, American Splendor, or The Weather Man if you're doubting this casting choice. Plus, I think it's be funny to watch her make out with Simon Pegg.

The Ghost of 78-Year Old Lucille Ball as Meredith Palmer

This was a hard one. As it turns out, there aren't as many actresses out there who can play this level of messed up gal. NBC executives reached out to Amy Winehouse for the role but have yet to hear back from her coroner.

Then, as if in a dream, the image of television's Lucy appeared to me. Only, it wasn't Lucy from back in the black-and-white days. It was Lucy from 1989, right before she died from an acute aorta aneurysm!

The aberration spoke to me, telling me that she was up for the role. God had let her out of heaven to play an alcoholic with a driving record worse than Hulk Hogan's son. Apparently, dead people keep up to date on Earth's current events. I wonder if they read my blog.

A Bratz Doll as Kelly Kapoor

This one is self-explanatory.

Eeyore from ''Winnie the Pooh'' as Toby Flenderson

So is this one.

Pablo Francisco as Oscar Martinez

There is a HUGE lack in Latino actors getting work in Hollywood. After going through list after list of actors, movies, soap stars, I eventually remembered one of my favorite stand-up comics, Pablo Francisco. As much as I would have loved Gael Garcia Bernal to play Oscar, there's a good chance he would turn the movie into an NC-17.

Jason Sudeikis as Andy Bernard

He played Jim on SNL's Japanese Office parody but for the big-screen production, he'd probably be more suited for one of the supporting roles. We know he can sing. He can make us laugh. But can he get angry? Does he scream at people? Punch holes in walls? This in one case where an audition would probably be necessary. Sudeikis appeared on NBC's 30 Rock a few times. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't want to hire from within the NBC family.

Diane Lane as Jan Levinson

You're telling me this wouldn't be an improvement?

Raekwon the Chef as Darryl Philbin

Every movie these days needs a rapper in their cast. Why not one of the best rappers? Wu-Tang! Wu-Tang! The mastermind behind "Only Built 4 Cuban Linx" would bring a lot of energy to the set. Actually, he'd probably just bring a lot of cocaine to the set? Wait a second, can Raekwon even act? Well, I guess it doesn't matter. Just watch Ja Rule in the Assault on Precinct 13 remake. Rappers don't need to know how to act, they get work anyway.

Alan Arkin as Creed

Which fifty-plus actor could walk a day in Creed's shoes? None of them, I doubt. Who would want to? None of them, I doubt. The Office's resident weirdo, Creed is the guy who got Debbie Brown fired, then passed a card around collecting money for her, and then kept the money! Read his blog if you refuse to doubt his sanity.

After his performance in Little Miss Sunshine, one actor stood out ahead of the pack. Alan Arkin can play a psychopath/cunning old man. Just mash his performances from Sunshine and Wait Until Dark and you've got Creed in all his glory.

Mother Goose as Phyllis Lapin

This one is for all the hardcore reference-remembering fans out there.

I hope you all enjoyed my casting choices for the Office movie. This, like my last post, is a part of Lazy Eye Theatre's Bizarro Blog-a-Thon. Click the link to find out the details for this blog-a-thon. But in short, there is no Office movie being made. I would never dream of re-casting the show. And if this plays off like more of an April Fools Day joke, sorry. But that's the way things go with Bizarro.