Friday, April 23, 2010

Friday Five: 3-D Sequels I Want to See

#5. Ninja Assassin
THEW!  THEW!  THEW!  Ninja stars!  Ninja swords!  Ninja fists!  NOW IN 3-D!  Blood splatter!  Guts spatter!  3-D SPLATTER!   
#4. Garbage Pail Kids
GPK got screwed over during its theatrical run.  This movie could have birthed the revival of so many cinematic extras.  Rumblerama for the farts.  Smell-O-Vision, again for the farts.  3-D for the flying puss and popping pimples.  What a missed opportunity.   

#3. My Dinner With Andre
Two hours.  Two characters.  One meal.  One movie.  Whenever I watch My Dinner with Andre, I feel pretty left out.  They two guys are having the fucking time of their life--telling stories, telling jokes, telling each other any fucking thing they can think of.  And it seems great.  I'm forced to play Fly on Wall and that sucks.  Adding a third-dimension might make me feel a little more included.

#2. Gummo
You can keep your Salo, or the 120 Days of Sodom and your Last House of the Left because this is the most disgusting movie ever made.  Harmony Korine tests your gag reflex by using non-actors who are, to say the least, puke-inducing.  There's nothing like watching a little bastard-child eat spaghetti and chocolate bars in filthy bathtubs to make your morning.  The only thing that helped me get through this was the phrase "It's only a movie..."  Something tells me that a little 3-D might force me to forget that fact.

#1. Unfaithful
Come on, she's the Denzel of white women.


xTJMac510x said...

I could see maybe Unfaithful but I actually think a 3-D Ninja Assassin would be pretty badass. The others made me cringe a little on the inside

The Taxi Driver said...

Ah yes, Garbage Pail Kids, I used to collect those trading cards. Fun times. You are right about Gummo, what an unforgettably disturbing movie. I hear that Korine's newest movies the Trash something is like even more extreme in it's depictions of weirdos and degenerates.

Simon said...

Garbage Pail Kids makes me gag. Gummo was alright (long as I kept ttrying to figure out if this was the kid from Trainspotting, or was that another movie, shit like that).

Goose3984 said...

3D Diane Lane boobs...nuff said