Saturday, July 12, 2008

The Top 5 Movies I Don't Ever Want to Watch: The Gingerdead Man

When I saw this at Blockbuster, I swore I would never watch it. Guess I was wrong. The Gingerdead Man made my Top 5 Movies I Don't Ever Want to Watch List. Let me tell you, it deserved to be there.

The movie is not funny, not entertaining in any way, and not worth watching for any reason. At least it was short. The total running time of The Gingerdead Man was 61 minutes. This shit plot couldn't even make an entertaining commercial.

Gary Busey, a wonky-eyed psychopath, "stars" in this straight-to-DVD sewage plant. This guy needs to just go away. Even the role of Millard Findlemeyer, robber of diners, was too much for this sad bastard.

This lady died fourteen seconds in. She was the lucky one.

The graphics were straight out of the early 80s.
It made Puppet Master look like Lord of the Rings.

The death scenes were just as bad as I expected.
Why actually entertain an audience?
You've already got their $4.25.

The characters: they throw pies in each other's faces.
The score: straight-up carnival music (with every instrument played on a keyboard).
The dialogue: "Who can kick your ass? The candyman can, bitch!"

That's it, I'm done. Fuck the Gingerdead Man.


11 Word Movie Reviews/Son of Double Feature said...

I'm going to have to see this one. Not just because I love horrible horrible horror movies and Gary Busey... no, wait, that's exactly why.

PIPER said...

Oh come on.

I'd see it for Busey. I love that crazy sumbitch.