Thursday, July 17, 2008

5 Villians ROBIN Could Defeat

Christian Bale said recently that he would stop playing Batman if Robin was reintroduced. Apparently Bale has no use for a Boy Wonder sidekick. Robin never gets any respect. The last time we saw him on the big screen, it was in a nipple suit. No, thank you, Mr. Schumacher.

Batman Returns and The Dark Knight have blown up like crazy. People would inject the celluloid into their bloodstreams if they could. To me, there's just something missing without Robin. Maybe I'm just a sap for underrated superheroes, and sidekicks.

So, today I declare my desire for a Robin movie! No Batman, just Robin. It's time that fans of the gymnast-turned-crime fighter stand up and demand quality sidekick entertainment. There are plenty of young, talented actors who could play the part. Just keep Zac Efron the hell away from the set and I'll be happy.

Here's the only problem. Can Robin actually beat any supervillians by himself? He doesn't have any powers. He uses Batman's gadgets. He's really just a glorified circus performer.

That doesn't mean a movie should be made about Robin, the filmmakers just have to make sure that they have the right bad guy involved. So, here's a list of suggestions. Five villains that Robin could face in his very own movie. Oh, and if you click on the links, you'll see who I could cast in each role. Enjoy.

He could fly (thanks to a machine he built). He once got knocked out my Spider-Man's ancient Aunt Mae. He has super strength; but these days, who doesn't (besides Robin)?

The Vulture would make a great villain for the Robin movie because they're both named after birds. Imagine a Robin vs. Vulture movie poster. It could look just like the Alien vs. Predator poster! Sanaa Lathan could co-star.

He's so fat that he can't walk. Without technology, he's can't even use his superpower. His superpower: television. He enslaved people by getting them to watch TV all day long.

The script could revolve around Robin having to compete on a Japanese game show before getting to fight Mojo. If Robin can run on a treadmill while jumping over big teddy bears and eat three mochi balls before falling into the pit of flour, he wins.

If he wins, I'm sure Robin could just punch Mojo in the face once and the ripple effect through the alien's fat pockets would put too much stress on his heart resulting in immediate death.

Another bird-themed villain, this time from Darkwing Duck. A toymaker pushed out of business when video games became more popular than board games, Quackerjack rob banks so that he can keep making toys for sick children.

This is just the type of sick bastard that Robin needs to stop. I'm picturing a bloody brawl in a toy factory like Child's Play 2. Robin will say something like, "Playtime's over, bitch" before shoving the crazed duck-man into a pit of boiling plastic.

Vernimous Skumm
Robin could fight pollution. Yeah, I'm pretty sure he could fight pollution. It's Batman meets An Inconvenient Truth. I'll win an Oscar for Best Original Song and the Super Size Me guy will try to soak up some success by living in a Batcave for 30 days.

If Robin couldn't beat Abra Kadabra the Magician, then he deserves the same fate as Heath Ledger.

Who do you think Robin could beat? Do you think this movie will ever get made? Was it too soon to make a Heath Ledger's dead joke?


Big Mike Mendez said...

F'n A, Cotton! What do you think of a Robin/Riddler match up? All alliteration aside, Robin could beat up that dude something fierce.

elgringo said...

That's true. Very true. Come to think of it, not many of the Batman villains actually had super powers. But out of all the funny-dressed humans, Robin could totally beat the Riddler.

Ryan McNeil said...

I'm thinking if they were to trot out some of the villains from the 60's TV show...I'd put my money on Robin over The Bookworm, Egghead, or Lady Penelope Peasoup.

11 Word Movie Reviews/Son of Double Feature said...

As much as I understand where Bale's coming from, why hate on Robin? If done right, he's the beam of innocence and light keeping Batman off the precipice of madness. Or they could even do the unlikeable hard-edged Jason Todd Robin of the 80s. He just needs to be younger (like 10,) and...not Chris O'Donnell.

Speaking of which, I'm in on Batman-blogging:

Reel Whore said...

A Robin movie'd be a great idea. Why not have him battle the Penguin? Perfect bird theme. Penguin could be corrupting young kids or the like and Robin could lay the smack down.

And yeah, keep Efron far far away from this!

Cknopf said...

That just wouldn't be fair though. If Robin teamed up with the Planeteers, where would he fit in? I can just see it now...

"Oh no! Duke Nukem and Hoggish Greedly are going to melt down Los Angeles! We need Captain Planet! Let our powers combine!"


"... Wuss!"

At the very least though, Robin knows some martial arts doesn't he? That combined with the rigorous workouts he probably does to keep up his gymnastic skills probably means he could kick at least a little butt.