Month of Horror - Day 22: Twilight Zone: The Movie

One of my favorite bloggers, Jason Soto, is hosting the

Reasons Not to Have Kids blog-a-thon.

His site, Invasion of the B-Movies is super rad,

it won a Lammy, and y'all should read it.

Some might consider my Eraserhead post to be evidence enough for the "no kids" arguement but I had other plans. Joe Dante is one of my favorite directors. Matinee, Gremlins, and the savagely underrated TV show "Eerie, Indiana" were all given to us, as precious gifts, from Mr. Dante. Someone throw a virgin in a volcano, the world needs more of his work!

Growing up, "The Twilight Zone" was one of my favorite shows. In 1983, Dante teamed up with three other directors to construct a feature-length film comprised of four segments, three episode remakes and one original story.

Dante's segment featured one of the scariest children of all time. His name is Anthony and he's fuckin' ALL FUCKING POWERFUL. The limits to this kid's supernatural abilities would shock even David Blaine. Want proof?

He'll make you pull a fucking rabbit out of your
goddamn top hat!

He'll fucking turn your fucking front porch
into a goddamn giant eyeball!

He'll wish your fucking ass into cartoon land!

Hope you don't like talking or eating because
he'll wish your fucking mouth off!

Get the picture?

Let's look at Anthony's competition.

The Children of the Corn -- Attack people if they enter a corn field.
Anthony -- Can turn people into a corn field.

Girl from The Ring -- Crawls through television screens. Looks scary.
Anthony -- Can put you in a television. Is scary.

Regan from The Exorcist -- Possessed by the devil. Defeated by religious faith.
Anthony -- Is pretty much God.

Anthony = Scariest child on film since Tatum O'Neil in Paper Moon.

Month of Horror - Day Eight: Joe Dante's Homecoming

"Holy Mother of Hip-Hop Jesus"

My second favorite place in the world is the Castro Theater in San Francisco. It's the city's 100th historical landmark and features beautiful architecture and live wurlitzer music. It was there that I first saw The Taking of Pelham One Two Three when they screened it on a double-bill with Network. Some of the best film-going experiences have been at the Castro. This is where Midnites for Maniacs marathons are held, including the 12-hour "Animals Attacking Humans" 5-film extravaganza. I volunteered for the San Francisco Silent Film Festival more than a couple times, during which I met famed film critic Leonard Maltin. The Castro will always hold a special place in my movie-loving heart.

I'll never forget the day my future wife and I hopped on a bus to catch a Saturday morning double feature: Gremlins 2 and Matinee. As much as I love the Gremlins movies, Matinee is one of my favorites of all time. Getting the chance to see it on the big screen was a rare opportunity. Getting the chance to meet Joe Dante was an even more rare opportunity. After the first film ended, I ran into the director in the lobby. There, we talked about Matinee and a number of his other films. It was awesome. I'm easily starstruck to begin with, but to really get to talk to one of my favorite filmmakers made my year.

Positive reviews for Dante's next film, The Hole, made me excited to see what he'd been working on for the past few years. That's when I discovered Homecoming, a film he directed for the Masters of Horror series. Here's the plot in a nutshell, America's recently deceased veterans aren't too happy with how their country's being run so they decide to come back and change things up--by voting. The zombies don't eat brains, they don't kill the innocents, they just stand in line like everyone else until they cast their ballots.

Let's get one point out of the way early, this film is less subtle than Crash. It's got a point to make and it's going to make it, no matter what. If you want to find out that point, you'll have to watch the movie...or rememer that Joe Dante is not Kelsey Grammer, Hollywood's only conservative.

Themes aside, let's get down to the hunky-gory. Zombies usually bring quite a bit of the old bloodguts but in this case, more violence happens to the undead than the living. Shame. Their legs are blown off, their bodies are shattered across car hoods, and even worse, their voting rights are in jeopardy. These Masters of Horror films are pretty hit and miss and this one is unfortunately is one of the latter. Instead of bashing on a lesser piece from (did I mention he was one of my favorite directors) Dante, I'd rather take this time to remember the brilliance.

Note: My favorite place in the world is Amoema Music on Haight

Tarantino's Top 20 Movies

Battle Royale, Anything Else, Audition, The Blade, Boogie Nights, Dazed & Confused, Dogville, Fight Club, Friday, The Host, The Insider, Joint Security Area, Lost In Translation, The Matrix, Memories of Murder, Police Story 3, Shaun of the Dead, Speed, Team America, and Unbreakable

My Top 20 Since 1992

Battle Royale

For those who still haven't seen Kinji Fukasaku's violent masterpiece--you really ought to. You're lucky, now it's on Netflix.  When I first wanted to see it, I had to head into Chinatown and seek out a Region 9 disc.  It's the Clockwork Orange of our generation.  You owe it to yourself to watch this.  Side note: skip the sequel.   

The Boondock Saints

Clueless

Alicia Silverstone was my childhood love.  Somehow, a very young Gringocito saw a couple Aerosmith music videos and his life was changed forever.  Then Clueless came out and any chance for my homosexuality was eradicated.   The hair, the clothes, the slang--the early 90s still hold a special place in my heart.  Anyone remember that "He-he-helloooo" line from Party Girl?  The point is that I do.  A recent home screening of Clueless proved that even though Silverstone's career didn't hold much staying power, her best film still does.  

Dazed and Confused

The Descent

I had no idea what The Descent was about when I stepped into the theater.  Didn't know I was walking into the the best horror film of the past decade.  From the claustrophobic sets to the frightening plot twists, there just aren't many movies that can touch its overall horror.  

El Crimen Del Padre Amaro

Just after high school, I worked at a one-screen art house theater in a mostly Latino part of town.  After the Catholic Church banned this film we had sold-out shows every night.  For those who've seen it, you know that there's an especially offensive scene about an hour in. Well, every night, about sixty minutes after the lighted dimmed, an angry mob would storm out of the theater--looking for whoever was responsible for the offensive content they had just been subjected to.  Apparently, that was me.  After a couple nights of being yelled at by angry Catholics, I decided that I'd actually watch the movie.  When I did, I was immediately blown away.  The narrative is entrancing, the acting is phenomenal, and the controversy is in full-effect.  It's definitely earned a spot in my Top 20 list.

The Fugitive

Hackers

I know...I know...I know.  There's just something about Hackers that won't let me go.  The music, the outdated technology, the ultra-cool underground nerd society.  Would you believe that this movie pushed Barton Fink off the list?  I debated about whether or not it deserved to be on the Top 20 but, if I'm being honest, it does, and not at the bottom either.

He Got Game

High Fidelity

Any He Shot Cyrus reader knows how much I adore High Fidelity.  I want to be Rob but I'm so afraid that I'll become Dick that I live my life as Barry.  Something like that.  It's my #2 film of all-time (right after The Warriors) mostly because it accurately describes my post-high school life.

Jurassic Park

Kill Bill Vol. 1

Matinee

I recently attended a screening of Matinee and got to meet Joe Dante, the man to thank for  Gremlins, Explorers, and The Howling.  We both agreed that Matinee hasn't received a fair shake since it's release.  This is a special film which honors a different age of filmgoing set against a tense time in American history.      

Old Boy

Reservoir Dogs

It's fitting that while filling out my own Top 20 list that two of QT's films have found slots on the order. Reservoir Dogs appeals to me for all the same reasons it appeals to everyone else.  The cast, the performances, the story (just as contained as I desire), the violence, and the music.  He's the only director to show up twice and as happy as that makes me, the fact that the Coen Bros. leaves me wishing for a 21st choice. 

The Sandlot

Superbad

If High Fidelity represents my post-high school life, then Superbad represents the four years before.  There won't ever be a character on-screen that more accurately portrays who I was during my teens than Seth (Jonah Hill).  We told the same jokes, wore the same awful clothes, and sported the same hairdo.  This kid was me, I was this kid.  It's a very cool experience to connect with a character like that.

The Truman Show

Unfaithful

Waiting for Guffman

Choosing my favorite Christopher Guest film proved to be much more difficult than I imagined. Eventually, Parker Posey giving praise to the DQ pushed Guffman to the top.

What are your Top 20 Films since 1992?

My Top 100 Favorite Movies (in Order!)

01. The Warriors
02. High Fidelity
03. Do the Right Thing
04. Dangerous Minds
05. The Karate Kid Part II
06. Matinee
07. Back to the Future
08. Born in East L.A.
09. Freestyle: The Art of Rhyme
10. The Birdcage11. Tootsie
12. Jurassic Park
13. The Truman Show
13a. The Seven-Up Series
(I wasn't sure a series could count)
14. Style Wars
15. Halloween
16. Unfaithful
17. Scratch
18. Superbad
19. Assault on Precinct 13
20. Dogtown and Z-Boys 21. Strangers on a Train
22. Imitation of Life
23. The Hudsucker Proxy
24. Escape to Witch Mountain
25. The Palm Beach Story
26. Say Anything
27. Kill Bill Vol. 1
28. Notting Hill
29. Marathon Man
30. Home Alone II: Lost in New York31. Old Boy
32. Hackers
33. Dark Days
34. Airplane!
35. Escape from Alcatraz
36. Waiting for Guffman
37. Dog Day Afternoon
38. Rear Window
39. Best in Show
40. Reservoir Dogs41. The Freshman
42. The 400 Blows
43. Clueless
44. Duck Soup
45. Dazed and Confused
46. Life Stinks
47. The Boondock Saints
48. Coming to America
49. Take the Money and Run
50. The Godfather51. For Love or Money
52. Return to Oz
53. Dirty Harry
54. Demolition Man
55. Boyz n the Hood
56. The Bicycle Thief
57. Matilda
58. Empire Records
59. The Wood
60. 18761. The Descent
62. 3 Ninjas
63. Cinemania
64. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze
65. Fast Times at Ridgemont High
66. Night of the Living Dead
67. Battle Royale
68. Manhattan Murder Mystery
69. The Sandlot
70. The Gauntlet
71. With Honors
72. The Taking of Pelham One Two Three
73. The Great Escape
74. Tortilla Soup
75. The Player
76. Hannah and Her Sisters
77. The Fugitive
78. The Orphanage
79. Rock the Bells
80. The Conversation81. Fargo
82. In America
83. Monster Camp
84. The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie
85. Kramer vs. Kramer
86. The Brave Little Toaster
87. Groundhog Day
88. Stand by Me
89. The People Under the Stairs
90. El Crimen Del Padre Amaro91. All About My Mother
92. That Thing You Do
93. Stroszek
94. Taxi Driver
95. Love Actually
96. Labyrinth
97. Brown Sugar
98. Streets of Fire
99. Daddy's Little Girls
100. Meet the FeeblesThere you have it. My Top 100 Favorite Films of All-Time.
It took over a week to put the list together.
Even if you don't like my choices or my rankings,
you've got to give me props for putting them in order!

What do you think?