Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Talented Screenwriters Wanted!

"[Diane] Lane Contemplates Quitting Acting"

Hollywood's most beautiful and talented actress is thinking about dropping out of the biz because she keeps getting offered bland and boring roles. While promoting Nights in Rodanthe, Lane told Moviefone that "This film is the last film, and by that I could mean it in any way. It's the last one I did, and it's the last one I'm gonna do for a while, and it's the last one I have in the can ... and then we'll see."

Why can't Juliette Lewis stop making movies? Who keeps giving Hilary Swank roles that she finds interesting. If it's just this easy to get actresses to quit signing those contracts, why aren't we doing it? I bet it works with actors too! What if Mr. Diesel, Christensen, and Reeves only received bad scripts? Oh, I guess it doesn't work for actors.

Let's get down to business now. Diane Lane needs better scripts. Your duty as avid cinephiles is to make sure that films like Jumper stop getting made. Get your Macbooks, Final Draft discs, and Redbull twelve packs. Start writing and don't stop until you've come up with another Unfaithful.

To inspire you, here are more pictures of Diane Lane
and her angelic, porcelain-skinned features.


Scott Mendelson said...

If 'Untracable' was the best she could get, I completely sympathize with her position.

Seriously, I love how everyone decries the Saw and Hostel pictures as being corrupting to our youth, yet this alleged adult thriller is far more gruesome, violent, and lingering on the pain and suffering than any alleged 'torture-porn'. And I say this as a huge fan of director Gregory Hoblit (he of Primal Fear, Frequency, and Fallen).

Having said that, there are only so many super-high quality scripts that get written period. And she's probably getting some of the better ones. If she doesn't like what she gets, then she has options. Take super low budget projects that inspire her (ala Melissa Leo), do stage work, or move to TV (which is the true writer's medium). She doesn't have to choose between Judge Dredd or early retirement.


Dear God,

She can't stop. I swear, if I even needed a woman to play in a role in a picture, she would be top choice. She may not be the greatest actress of all time (even though she is close) but I mean, she's for sure the hottest. I know I know. There are others that are just as hot, but there is something about her. When I see her I can't stop thinking about her.

Alright, well, I'm a bit drunk on Vodka right now, but I'm sure I won't disagree with anything I wrote here. She's raging hot, and if she were to quit, I'd stop watching movies.....


J.J. said...

Hear hear.

Unknown said...

Yeah, that would really, really suck if she gave up acting. I wonder what kind of agent she has? She should be doing films with Michael Mann or maybe Paul Thomas Anderson. I'd love to see her doing something with one of those guys. Or, if she wants to go the comedy route, do one of the Coen bros. films. Well, hopefully when KILL SHOT finally gets released, maybe she'll get some better offers.

Daniel said...

Yeah that's not cool at all. Someone needs to get to work...

Dame James said...

I was so sad when I read this the other day! I totally agree that someone needs to write her the perfect role. She's currently one of my favorite actresses working right now and if we never got another Unfaithful, Under the Tuscan Sun or Must Love Dogs, I don't know what I'd do!

Unknown said...

Great post, Scott.

There are plenty of great roles for Diane Lane out there, but the sad reality is that the overwhelming majority would be in the theater where virtually no one would ever see them.

TV is probably her next best bet and has obviously provided a great outlet for women like Holly Hunter and Patricia Arquette, who no one was writing movies for either. I'm sure if Lane went that route, someone would create a good hour drama for her.

As far as movies, there are so many great actresses and so few decent roles that maybe announcing a "retirement" from feature films is a good idea. I agree with Scott. Untraceable was complete dreck.

I'd much rather write something for a woman in her 30s or 40s than I would for a male star, but unless Lane were playing a superhero or something, that movie probably doesn't get produced.

Jonny said...

Hey Scott,

I think the biggest problem here is that there aren't enough interesting roles for women, period -- yet alone middle-aged, incredibly gorgeous ones. It's mostly either crappy romantic comedies/dramas, or Sex and the City ripoffs.

But hey, at least her husband's career is on fire right now.