Thursday, October 22, 2009

Month of Horror - Day 22: Twilight Zone: The Movie

One of my favorite bloggers, Jason Soto, is hosting the
Reasons Not to Have Kids blog-a-thon.

His site, Invasion of the B-Movies is super rad,
it won a Lammy, and y'all should read it.

Some might consider my Eraserhead post to be evidence enough for the "no kids" arguement but I had other plans. Joe Dante is one of my favorite directors. Matinee, Gremlins, and the savagely underrated TV show "Eerie, Indiana" were all given to us, as precious gifts, from Mr. Dante. Someone throw a virgin in a volcano, the world needs more of his work!

Growing up, "The Twilight Zone" was one of my favorite shows. In 1983, Dante teamed up with three other directors to construct a feature-length film comprised of four segments, three episode remakes and one original story.

Dante's segment featured one of the scariest children of all time. His name is Anthony and he's fuckin' ALL FUCKING POWERFUL. The limits to this kid's supernatural abilities would shock even David Blaine. Want proof?

He'll make you pull a fucking rabbit out of your
goddamn top hat!

He'll fucking turn your fucking front porch
into a goddamn giant eyeball!

He'll wish your fucking ass into cartoon land!

Hope you don't like talking or eating because
he'll wish your fucking mouth off!

Get the picture?

Let's look at Anthony's competition.

The Children of the Corn -- Attack people if they enter a corn field.
Anthony -- Can turn people into a corn field.

Girl from The Ring -- Crawls through television screens. Looks scary.
Anthony -- Can put you in a television. Is scary.

Regan from The Exorcist -- Possessed by the devil. Defeated by religious faith.
Anthony -- Is pretty much God.

Anthony = Scariest child on film since Tatum O'Neil in Paper Moon.

1 comment:

Jason Soto said...

Awesome post! Gonna post a link to it in a bit.

Thanks for doing this!