Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Universal Monsters and Prop. 8

Pro Gay Marriage

Bride of Frankenstein
Her name is "Bride of Frankenstein." She was made to be a monster's wife. By the end of her movie, she has rejected her man leaving him to be buried underneath the laboratory he just blew up. A Bride sequel was in the works which followed her as she fell in love with a fair young woman from Notre Dame. Test studies showed that 1920s audiences weren't quite ready for a Monster/Gypsy lesbian silver screen romance. Bride, who later legally changed her name to "Enid," proudly cast her absentee vote against Prop. 8 right before boarding a Rosie Cruise to Puerto Vallarta.

Frankenstein
After being struck on the head by 160 tons of bricks, the newly single Frankenstein made some life changes. Some of them included hiking, hitting the gym twice a week, and renewing his online subscription to Jewish Adult Monster Friend Finder. After dating The Invisible Man's ex-girlfriend, Sue (who went on to marry a stretchy doctor), Frankenstein's world opened up. After an eventful afternoon at an animal rights meeting, Frank found his new passion in protesting. While his protest chants aren't always the most creative (DOGGGGGGGG!), his doctor-revived heart is in the right place. After coming to terms with "Enid's" new life, his protests switched to the Gay Rights movement. What's next for the busy activist? When asked, Frank was quoted as saying, "A Greenpeace rally on Monday, and then we prep for Yom Kippur."

Dr. Jekyll
He's a doctor. He's smart. He voted no.

Dracula
Dracula actually believes in traditional marriage between one man and one woman. However, his repeatred run-ins with religious fanatics has pushed him to always vote against the Catholics and the Mormons. It's reported that Dracula recieved threatening phone calls when his anti-Mitt Romney ad ran during daytime television commercial slots.


Against Gay Marriage

Quasimoto
This picture explains itself.
Side note, Esmeralda, also had a wonderful time on the Rosie Cruise.
But who doesn't have fun on a Rosie Cruise?

Mr. HydeHe's a monster. He's insane. He voted yes.

Creature of the Black Lagoon
The Black Lagoon was put on the map during the last few months from their constant, almost overbearing, support of Senator Obama. One unhappy Black Lagoon citizen has spoken out against his liberal community. During his late-night Public Broadcast television show, Creature Preacher, the Creature aired his special Please Obey, Don't Be Gay, which featured special local guests that included Pastor Ted Haggard and Satan. After the special aired, Creature was delighted to receive a check in the mail from a one Joe Smith (pseudonym?) for $4,500 with "Keep up the good work, brother" written in the memo section. The day after the election, Creature aired another special called Pro-Life/Pro-Wife which garnered him another $4,500 support check. Things seemed to be looking up the half-fish/half-man when Republican Governer Arnold Schwarchenegger passed a bill that would allow big businesses to dump their sewage waste into local lakes, rivers, and ponds. The final episode of Creature Preacher aired on November 9th, 2008.

3 comments:

MovieMan0283 said...

As per Bride, we all know how Dr. Frankenstein and Dr. Pretorious voted...

Paul Arrand Rodgers said...

Fantastic. I think most of the characters in James Whale's movies would have voted no on 8.

Thanks for the contribution.

whitney said...

You are one funny dork, brother.