Otis (2008)

Contrary to the rumors flying around the blog-o-sphere, I do leave my house. Apparently, the United States Postal Service have been ignoring my "Please Deliver on Sundays" e-mails. Because of this, sometimes I don't have Netflix to watch! You'd think that the "4 Out at a Time" plan would be enough but clearly this is not always the case.

The worst is when I end up watching all four Netflix on a Saturday. I drop them in the mailbox fully aware that they won't get picked up for another 36 hours. Come Monday morning, they get picked up, transported to some sort of sorting center reminiscent of Dear God, and then they're off to Netflix (which I assume is some sort of magical land about thirty minutes East of San Jose, CA). Once the Wizard decides I'm worthy enough for more movies, the discs are delivered via magical Narnia-esque wardrobe, and I'm finally able to continue my quest for cinematical knowledge.

On one of these house-leaving expeditions, I made my way to a film festival about 30 minutes West of Netflix. Whitney from Dear Jesus, my faithful companion, accompanied me for a weekend of movie mania. Overall, the festival was a blast, and I plan on flying back from Utah for next year's festivities. But here's where leaving the house loses to not leaving the house. One of the films that I had been most looking forward to was M.I.A. As it turned out, Whitney and I would have to wait until the film was RELEASED ON DVD before we could see it. They expected me just to stay home and wait? Well, that's what I did. Three months later, the DVD has arrived! The film is Otis.

Now, before you get too excited, Otis is not a spin-off of Masanori Hata's insanely delightful animal buddy film The Adventures of Milo and Otis. Oh, I wish it was too. We're just going to have to deal with what we've got. Instead of a cuddly kitten searching for his precious puppy pal, we have a homicidal halfbreed who abducts teenage girls to reenact his prom. Sorry.




Here's the trailer. I don't know if it truly captures the comedic aspects of the film or the scary aspects either. The editor and I seem to have had the same difficulties with Otis. It's definitely scary, or at the very least, creepy. But it's really funny at the same time. We've all seen films that try for both, usually failing at one or the other. Otis succeeds.

The cast is incredible. Illeana Douglas and Daniel Stern play the parents who take law into their own hands. VIGILANTE JUSTICE! Douglas, as usual, stands out, always giving the movie she's in a little something extra special. For those unfamiliar with her, go rent: "Action" (the entire series), Ghost World, and Grace of My Heart. Even her smaller parts are memorable. Keep an eye out for her in Goodfellas.

Not to knock the rest of the cast, but Illeana Douglas outshines her co-stars like Anne Frank in a "Let's Be Quiet" contest. Whoever was in charge of her wardrobe for the VIGILANTE JUSTICE scenes deserves an Oscar. If you weren't too lazy to watch the trailer, I'm talking about the bandanna/goggles combo she sports while delivering the "...cut his fingers and toes off and blend them into a smoothie and make him drink it" line. Muy Classic. There's nothing like a take-charge mother ready to attach jumper cables to the anus of her daughter's kidnapper.




Speaking of this kidnapper, I know what you're all wondering. Is this another one of those movies where a really attractive guy seems normal at first but then turns out to be crazy way later? Is he the sort of handsome devil who you'd never expect to shove cats into ATM machines? Are the kidnapper's victims swept off their feet by such a debonair gentleman and it isn't until later that they realize they've made a mistake? You tell me.




Stepping up to the plate with a relatively small filmography, Boston Christopher, hits it out of the park. Actually, he'd probably get a triple. From Minute One, the beefy, brainsick Otis sends chills up your spine. We all know this guy. He's works a menial job, he wears a lot of high-tech computer gadgets, and he's probably posts on Craigslist's "Casual Encounters" under the name "Master Chieftess." You know you know this guy.

Otis has a sweet set-up. Stained mattress. Heat lamps. Nasty bathtub. Surveillance cameras. The only thing that's missing from this Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs Combo is a Hayden Panettiere-esque cheerleader. Unfortunately, Hayden Panettiere must not have heard her phone ring because her role was filled by Mel Gibson's whiny daughter from What Woman Want.

Ashley Johnson (the voice behind Gretchen in "Recess," the best cartoon since "Doug") does surprisingly well portraying a multi-layered character. Somehow, she refuses to allow her character to become stereotypical.

Jared Kunsnitz plays Reed, Ashley's troublemaker brother. The role doesn't call for much but he definitely isn't the worst part of the movie. Daniel Stern (the skinny crook from Home Alone) plays Ashley's dad. For as much as I loved the voice over work in "Wonder Years" and for as many times as I watched Bushwacked as a kid, it pains me to say that Stern wasn't exquisite in Otis. In fact, his performance made me realize why I hadn't seen him since the eerily prophetic Celtic Pride. Congratulations Boston! Sorry Mr. Stern.




The first hour of the film covers the kidnapping and the escape. Where the film really gets interesting is when the family subscribes to THE FREAKIN' VIGILANTE JUSTICE! How many times do I need to say this? Torture! Electrocution! Hilarity! One moment, I was laughing my ass off. The next moment found my jaw dropped and my vocal chords pushing out the words "holy schnikes!" Did I mentioned I happen to scream out 1995 slang when I get scared?

I don't want to give too much away, not any more than the trailer gives away. Let me just try to convince you to rent Otis using two words: Kevin Pollak. Bet you were expecting some more VIGILANTE JUSTICE! No, I"m talking about Kevin Pollack. That's right, Mr. Usual Suspects, himself. Victor 'Boss Vic Koss' Kosslovich, himself! It turns out, he and Illeana Douglas have a lot in common. While neither of them often have the main roles, they almost always outshine the lucky actors who get to star in their movies. Pollak plays Otis' brother who constantly screams at the touched terrorist to stop eating pizza, get a real job, and clean up the house. Here we find Pollak doing exactly that:



Otis is the cool movie you show your friends. Everything seems to fall into place. The performances work (even Stern's for the most part), the characters are believable while they do unbelievable things, and the cinematography / set / lighting / score / marketing / etc. are all effective. Some people (message board people) have spoken (typed) out against the ending. They're wrong. I'm right. I have a blog, so you have to listen to me. The ending rocks too. It's unexpected but fits in with the rest of the movie really well.

Like I said, Whitney and I had plans to watch Otis at the Cinequest Film Festival but when we arrived, we were informed that it had been picked up by a distributor and that all screenings had been canceled. Maybe it's just me, but I'd think that theatrical screenings would create word-of-mouth which would create higher DVD sales. I'm just a Cinema Studies student, not one of these hifalutin businessmen who cut in line in front of me at Chipotle. Anywho, Otis is out on DVD now, 100% Netflixable. Take a evening off from your busy lives and enjoy a really funny (and scary) film about young girls getting kidnapped and the families who enjoy

VIGILANTE JUSTICE!

And because I love you guys, here's a couple of great songs from a guy who is neither a family-friendly feline nor a portly pervert. Enjoy.

Otis Redding - Pain in My Heart (zShare)
Otis Redding - Stand By Me (zShare)
Otis Redding - (Sittin' On) The Dock Of The Bay (zShare)

Them (2006)

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about how much I enjoyed The Strangers. The critics had almost universally dismissed the film as just another unimportant horror flick that didn't meet up to their collective standards. As it turns out, those critics don't read my blog. At the very least, they don't comment on my blog. I got a bunch of great feedback from you guys. Some of you were either excited to see The Strangers or had already watched it and really enjoyed it.

Thanks to Kim, Jonny, Taylor, Keith from The Kinetoscope Parlor, Rob from Natsukashi, and J.J. from As Little as Possible for dropping by and letting me know what they thought about The Strangers

The more I talked about this movie, the more people recommended a French thriller called Them. Using the same home invasion premise, I was told that Them was "Strangers done right." We'll see...

If you're too lazy to read this entire post, here's my verdict on Them: the first two acts are scary as hell, but by the end, all tension and suspense evaporates with the morning sun. I was so not scared that I decided to drop by the murder scene by my house and get some pizza. Oh, did I forget to mention that two people were killed 200 ft. from my house? Word to the wise, when a drunken a-hole demands that you buy him free pizza, you should probably buy him some.

Logging in at a slender seventy-seven minutes, Them follows a gorgeous schoolteacher named Clementine (Olivia Bonamy) and Lucas, her lover, through the worst night of their lives.

Just to give you an idea of who you'll be staring at, imagine Michael Cohen as the poor man's Oliver Martinez and Olivia Bonamy as the "living paycheck to paycheck but is holding out for that Christmas bonus" man's Diane Lane. Clear enough?



I don't want to just compare Them with The Strangers but since it's been presented to me as "The Strangers done right," then I think some sort of comparison is in order. Each movie has their strong points and weak points but it's safe to say that any slasher fan will find a hell of a lot to enjoy with either.

Like I said earlier, the first hour of Them is extremely stressful on the ol' ticker.
Them + high fiber diet - adult diapers = messy situation. Fortunately, the filmmakers leave the viewer an extra half hour to clean up before the credits roll.

Here's a rundown on good guys, the bad guys, and the location. If this doesn't give you a good idea of what you're getting yourself into...then I'm not very good at this.

The Good Guys

Clementine and Lucas make for a couple of decent victims. Their backstory is shallow but deeper than some other movies. Clementine teaches French to Romanian kids and Lucas is an writer who appears to be somewhat less-than-successful. Maybe all writers just look unsuccessful to me.

When push comes to shove, it's Clementine who's kicking the assess of their assailants. Clementine is rad. She takes all the risks, protects her man, and shows those hooded hooligans who's boss. Compare this to the sniveling, shrieking, Liv Tyler and you get a clear picture as to what a kick-ass woman should look like. Lucas is pretty lame but he serves his purpose, fighting back in overtime and proving not to be the absolute definition of 'sucktatude.'


The Bad Guys

Who? Why? How many? Who knows?

Individualism is not the defining characteristic of these baddies. Donning hooded sweatshirts and Chucks, a large group of mystery guests invade Clementine's proverbial talk show. They'll jack your car, stab your eyeballs, and even turn off the lights to make things scarier. There's one scene, and I don't think I'm giving anything away, but the bad guys puts this spaghetti in a bowl... Clementine puts her hand in it... well, I try to be spoiler-free here so you'll have to watch the movie.



The Location

Clementine and Lucas are trapped in their house. That's terrifying. Just the idea of home invasion has inspired a handful of really great horror films. (See: Funny Games) Even though you know every nook and cranny of your house, you still aren't safe. You know all the best hiding places. You know where the guns are hidden. You even know how to get from the Lounge to the Conservatory on a low die roll. But it doesn't matter, psychopaths always seem to be pretty determined.

Clem and Lucas' house is gigantic. She's a schoolteacher. He's a writer. I guess the housing bubble hasn't reached Romania yet. But affordability isn't the problem here, it's the fact that the house was clearly made for a horror movie. Lots of long hallways, scary attics and basements, and even a couple hidden rooms. They might as well have built on an old church, a nursery atop an Indian burial ground and a butchery. Everything just seemed too worked out.

Don't get me wrong, the scenes in the house work. I was sweating bullets that I tried shooting out of a water gun which was less fun than it sounds. The first hour is really scary but I kept getting taken out of it when I thought about the location. How convenient is an attic filled with hanging plastic sheets? That scene is actually scary as hell but the movie quickly loses it's steam afterwards.

Not to give too much away, but the most important factor in a home invasion movie is containment. Set the limits and stay within them. Them ignores it's limits for the last third of the running time. It doesn't add to the suspense because the containment factor is readjusted. In short, they go outside. It transforms from a terrifying "they're in my home" movie to "I'm going to hide behind this tree" movie. Which one sounds scarier? You're right.


This was one of the most difficult posts I've written for a number of reasons. Trying to avoid comparisons between Them and The Strangers was difficult because that's basically how I watched the movie. "Strangers done right." Well, I wouldn't quite say that. They both use the same premise in different ways but they have a lot of similarities too.

One nice thing about The Strangers is how the director left the story contained. It begins in the house and it ends in the house. There are a few outside expeditions but everything always gets drawn back to the starting point. The movie Cube just came to mind. It's really the best film to nail the confinement angle. Whooo, that's a good movie.

My advice is to check out all these movies and draw up your own conclusions. Then watch Funny Games.

Switchblade Sisters

Jack Hill is an exploitation God. Frequently working with Pam Grier, Hill crafted films like Coffy, The Big Bird Cage, and Foxy Brown which all traveled around the drive-in circuits and played in double and triple features along with other exploitation films. While his Pam Grier vehicles are all pretty well known by now, all considered box office smashes and have been widely released on video and DVD. The same can't be said about the Grier-less Switchblade Sisters, which Hill directed in 1975. This one didn't make money. This one was barely seen. Until Quentin Tarantino brought this movie back to life by releasing it through his now-defunct Rolling Thunder Pictures company.

Like a lot of genre films from this time period, it had a few theatrical runs. If the picture wasn't performing to the producer's liking, they would yank it out of theatres, create a new, awesome looking poster, slap a new title on it, and release it again. There were times where you could go to the movies and find out that you've just paid to see the same movie twice.



This film had three theatrical runs under the names Playgirl Gang, The Jezebels, and its ultimate title, Switchblade Sisters. The movie is extremely clichéd but still quite enjoyable. It could be argued that the clichés make the movie.

This one's got it all. Sex, nudity, and violence are just the basic structures of which the rest of the film is built. Girl gangs (named the Dagger Debs), lesbian prison guards, rapes and murders, knife fights, a girl with an eye patch named "Patch," cake decorating, and really catchy lines like "Like my dad used to say, God rest his ass... " None of these clichés (minus the cake decorating) were new to genre pictures, not even new to Jack Hill's own movies but I don't think that makes them any less entertaining. While there seem to be a lot of similarities between this film and others of the time, it's how Hill uses the clichés that makes Switchblade really cool.



Any good gang movie's gonna have a shootout...any great gang movie's gonna have a rumble. This one has a shootout. BUT...before you give up on it, Switchblade's shootout takes place in a ROLLER SKATING RINK! As you can see in the picture above, there are pistols firing (and machine guns!) at the various roller skating gang members hobbling around on four-wheeled clunkers. I thought I had seen it all, shootouts in grocery stores, swamps, and numerous Chinese food restaurants. Then came the roller rink.

What's next, a shoot out in a Chuck-E-Cheese ballpit? I would watch that. Hell, I would participate in that. Did you know that not all Chuck-E-Cheeses have ball pits? That's awful. Off topic? Yes. Terrible? Even more so. Make sure your Chuck-E-Cheese has a ball pit before you plan your next birthday party...and make sure there's not going to be a gang fight scheduled for the same time. Although, I would bet that the roller rink was giving out discounts after the they cleaned up the bodies off the skating area. That's something to think about.

I once has a film professor that said she raised her daughter on Switchblade Sisters. At the time, I thought that was so cool. After watching it again, I'm not so sure. I don't know how a young child would be affected by watching movies featuring portly lesbian prison guards/rapists named "Mom." Maybe it would keep the kid on the straight and narrow, not wanting to be molested by a woman who looks like Patty and Selma meets Large Marge. That's enough to make me a law-abiding citizen.

Here's one of my favorite parts of the movie. The only actor I recognized from the cast was Don Stark who plays Bob Pinciotti on "That '70s Show." He's the boy gang's faithful number two, Hook, and he isn't half bad. This was his first role in a feature-length film that wasn't made for television. While I haven't seen it, I'm sure his first acting gig, a bit part character named Carl Dibble, in a TV movie with Robert Culp was really good too. I do. Hook tries to take over the gang at one point but is quickly dismissed by the ladies, who have formed a new gang, The Jezebels. This is where the cake decorating comes in.

[The cake kinda looks like Rice Krispie Treats with white paint on it.]

[I don't have much to say except that this guy has so much dental work that I hope he went on to have a lucrative acting career to pay for it all.]

[Robbie Lee as Lace (left) on her way to the film premiere. Completely unbeknownst to her, only two short years later, fellow party-goer George Lucas would steal her hairdo for some sci-fi thing he couldn't stop talking about.]

Here are some rad pictures from the film's climactic knife fight. The second half of the fight is done completely in shadows on the wall. It's not as stupid as it sounds. Like I said earlier, it's how Jack Hill uses the clichés that makes Switchblade Sisters really cool. Seeing the action in shadows brought me back to Film Noirs for the 1940s where some of the coolest scenes involve action happening off-screen, in the shadows, or like this movie shows it, through shadows on large wall-like canvases. This film has got a lot of things you've seen before but quite a few of them will be in ways you've never seen before.

The film ends with some of the Jezebels being loaded into a police truck. To give an example of the type of great dialogue you'll find through out the movie, here are the last lines:

Cop: Let me give you some advice...

Maggie: Let me give you some advice cop. You can beat us, chain us, lock us up but we’re gonna be back, understand? And when we do, cop, you better keep your ass off our turf or we’ll BLOW IT OFF, ya dig? We’re the Jezebels, cop. Remember that name. We’ll be back!

...aaaaaaand scene.

In closing, this film is readily availible so check it out. You won't regret it.

Thanks to everyone who voted on last week's poll question. Switchblade tied with Juice so maybe next week I'll do a post on that one. Also, thanks to everyone who left comments on the "Origins" post, that means a lot to me.

Keep you eyes open for another Top 5 list. That's actually what this week's poll question is going to be about. What should my next Top 5 list be on? If you have another idea which isn't an option to vote for then leave a comment here and let me know. Leave a comment anyway!

Until next week...