My Top 10 Favorite Movies [2003 Pre-Film School Edition]

I just found a list of my favorite films from back in 2003. This was not too long after high school and a couple years before I started film school. Looking back on it, it could have been a lot worse. Granted, even back then, I knew the difference between "best" and "favorite." These were my favorite films, the ones you could put on anytime, over and over, and I'd watch them. If you want to learn a few things about your favorite blogger...then I'd suggest you go ask them. To learn about me, read on.

Here they are: My Top 10 Favorite Movies [2003 Pre-Film School Edition]

1. Dangerous Minds - I was pretty much obsessed with this movie for years. It came out just as I was beginning to listen to hip-hop, "Gangsta's Paradise" was all over the radio, Michele Pfeiffer was gorgeous in my mind, and the most influential reason leading to my love of all things Dangerous Minds, my parent forbid me from watching Dangerous Minds. It bore the mark of the forbidden "R" which was also forbidden in my religious household. Since I couldn't watch the movie, I bought the soundtrack, which my dad threw away on multiple occasions. Each time, I bought another cassette. Each time, he threw it out. I bought the book which somehow still remains on my bookshelf. Eventually, I bought the DVD and proudly paraded it in front of my family, the plastic disc serving as a symbol for my teenage rebellion and newfound adulthood.

Today's rating: Probably not in the top ten, but definitely in the top 20.

2. Born in East LA - Saw this on TV, searched out a VHS, eventually bought a DVD. When I moved my DVDs into binders, this one stayed in its case to sit on the DVD shelves in between and Boogie Nights and Bottle Rocket.

Today's rating: Still in the Top 10. I'll die loving this movie.

3. The Breakfast Club - What 80s baby didn't love The Breakfast Club. It summed up high school so well. It taught us to categorize others into rigid, stereotypical, and unescapable labels. How else were we supposed to get through our teens? If they ever remake this, the certain magic the original possess could never be duplicated. Say what you will about American Teen, but an homage is certainly better than a remake.

Today's rating: As high school moves further and further into my past, my love for The Breakfast Club slowly lessens. Top 50, maybe? Bottom 50, maybe?

4. Tortilla Soup - One night, shortly after a move to a new town, I walked to the one-screen movie theater to watch a movie I'd never heard of before. It was a few days after 9/11 and the entire country was talking about terrorism, death, and destruction. Not Tortilla Soup. Tortilla Soup opened with a beautiful montage of fascinating food preparation and delicious looking dishes. Over the next week, I watched Tortilla Soup five more times. On the last day, I asked for a job. For the next couple of years, that's where you could find me, working at my one-screen art house movie theatre.

Today's rating: Still very high. Top 20, probably higher. Every note of Bill Conti's score brings back waves of nostalgia that you can't buy in some Five and Dime.

5. Best in Show - Back in the day I wrote a list of the Top 20 DVDs I Wanted and decided to share it with my friends via MySpace. What showed up on my doorstep a couple weeks later? A DVD of Best in Show from my good friend Rena. Thanks again, Rena! These days, Waiting for Guffman's probably my favorite Guest film, Parker Posey's "DQ" monologue is unbeatable.

Today's rating: Not as high as Guffman. Probably somewhere in the lower half of the list.

6. Fools Rush In - I grew up in a half white/half Hispanic community. I was the white boy with crushes on the Mexican girls. Fools Rush In spoke to me. I used it as a preperation guide as how to talk to these girls and even charm my future Mexican in-laws. The irony is, the first Hispanic girl I dated loathed this movie. Everything I had learned was wrong. Thanks Hollywood. But even after the film's verisimilitude turned out to be faulty, I continued to love watching Matthew Perry and Salma Hayek living the dream.

Today's rating: Might scrape in somewhere in the 90-100 range.

7. Airplane! - Middle school brought forth my love of Saturday Night Live. I caught strep throat and had to stay home for a week straight. That entire week was spent watching reruns of SNL. I left school intelligent and semi-popular. I came back completely unfocused and determined to win the coveted "Class Clown" award (which I did). After SNL, the next logical step, as far as zany comedy went, was the work of the Jim Abraham and the Zucker brothers. This movie killed me as a kid. The opening parody of Jaws. The girl scout fight. "Don't call me Shirley." Otto Pilot. I recently watched it with a group of friends and it's still one of the funniest movies I've ever seen.

Today's rating: Top 15 overall, top five comedies.

8. Cinema Paradiso - Someone has shown this to me in my early teen years. I can't remember who but I do remember how blown away I was by this foreign film! It had subtitles! And it was good! I had seen other foreign films by then, actually, the first film I saw in theatres was The Adventures of Milo & Otis which was made in Japan (but later dubbed in English). But it was the way Paradiso glorified the movie theatre and fetishised film in the eyes of the little boy that I strongly identified with.

Today's rating: The second half of the film is far less interesting and captivating than the first and would probably drag the film right off the entire Top 100.

9. Back to the Future - This is still one of the best made films of all-time, in my opinion. It might not be popular in the scholarly world to say that about 80s teen com-dramas but damnit, I'm taking a stand. The plot still holds up, DeLoreans kick ass, Lea Thompson is one hot mom-to-be, Huey Lewis needs to be on more soundtracks, I have a need to skateboard behind a jeep, disappearing photos are scary, and while the hoverboards didn't show up until the sequel, their eventual invention will be more celebrated than the cure for AIDS.

Today's ranking: I would bet that the #9 spot would be a comfortable home for Marty McFly and Doc.

10. The Karate Kid, Part II - My favorite of the Macchio trilogy. This one's got it all. A beautiful girl (she's no Elizabeth Shue, but I'm not complaining), Okinawa, a Daniel vs. five skeletons fight scene, THE DRUM, THE MIYAGI FAMILY SECRET, and a romantic montage set to Peter Cetera's "Glory of Love." What else can a growing boy ask for?

Today's rating: Honestly, still in the Top 10, maybe even higher than it's 2003 #10 spot.

What movies did you used to love? Do you still love them?
What's your old Top 10 look like? How about today's?

Hot for Teacher

Reports are in that Jessica Alba has replaced America Ferrera for the on-screen adaptation of Aimee Bender's novel, "Invisible." The film will be titled An Invisible Sign of My Own and is set to come out sometime next year. Mad Hot Ballroom director Marilyn Agrello will helm this project.

The story revolves around a young woman whose life was taken off course when her father contracts a mysterious illness. A high school math whiz and track star, Mona pulls away from her life after her ambitions are replaced by fear of her dad's foreseeable death. She quits running, playing the piano, dancing, and all of her other connections to the outside world.

A few years pass and she is hired as a second grade math teacher. She makes a connection with a young girl named Lisa whose mother is ill. Together, the two grow closer and help one another deal with each other's hardships.


So...Jessica Alba's playing an elementary school teacher. In case you missed it, here's a picture of Jessica Alba. Just so you know who I'm talking about.

Lucky kids.

Hollywood's got a history of hot teachers. Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds. Ryan Gosling in Half Nelson. Sandy Dennis in Up the Down Staircase. Glenn Ford and Sidney Poitier in The Backboard Jungle and To Sir, With Love, respectively. My question is to you:

Which actor/actress would you choose to play your hot teacher?

Jacob's Ladder (1990)

Left underwhelmed by Fatal Attraction, I wasn't looking forward to more of Adrian Lyne's earlier work. Don't get me wrong, I have Flashdance days from time to time, but 9 1/2 Weeks and Indecent Proposal never appeared worth watching. Unfaithful is nothing short of a cinematic orgasm of genius but I had my mind made up on Jacob's Ladder. Not interested. Then I rented it. Then I watched it. Then I realized that I'm an idiot.

Tim Robbins plays a guy with a ladder. Actually, he's Jacob, a postman who used to be in 'Nam, has an ex-wife, a dead son, and likes to showers with Elizabeth Pena. That pretty much sums it up. Oh wait, he is also the sole possessor of one amazing haircut.

The narrative falls back and forth through several streams of reality. There's what seem to be Vietnam flashbacks, flashbacks with his wife and kids, and his present life with Pena. Coming home from work one night, Jacob witnesses a subway train full of faceless beings. This, combined with his wartime memories, has left the letter sorter, to use a clinical term: fucked up.

An old army buddy shows up and starts talking about these demons and that he's going to hell. This inspires an "Our Boys" reunion. The whole gang's there. Ving Rhames. Eriq La Salle. A couple of nameless white guys. Trouble is, I could have sworn most of them died in the opening scene of the movie. They start talking about government conspiracies. They start talking about demons. Jason Alexander shows up. It's a real mess.

The film's most impressive aspect are its special effects. According to the world's second most reliable information source, IMDB Trivia, all of the special effects were filmed live with no post-production. The world's most reliable information source, Wikipedia, backs this up with a description of a fast motion body horror technique. The technique results in me peeing a little out of fear. If more filmmakers had utilized this anti-CGI style, a lot less 90s films would be considered so dated today. They can't all be Jurassic Park, gentlemen.

Lyne also handles the less over-the-top tensional scenes in an equally effective manner. Tim Golden wrote in his Variety article, "Up 'Jacob's Ladder' and into the Hell of a Veteran's Psyche" about the director's ability to stay true to his own style while coming up with news ways to keep the auidence wriggling in their chairs.

"True to fans of his earlier films, Mr. Lyne remains fascinated in "Jacob's Ladder" by the lines between sex and violence, sensuality and gore, comfort and vulnerability. He looks for tension in everything from a morning shave to the way a shyster lawyer chomps his ice cubes, and his camera fixes everywhere from the spinning wheel of a hospital gurney to between the legs of a car-driving Government agent."

Jacob's Ladder really impressed me. It's diffictult to understand why more people don't talk about this film. I'd heard the title before, often grouped together with other 90s thrillers, in the same vein as Extreme Measures and Malice. Neither of those films can hold a candle to Ladder's disjointed narrative, impressive filmic techniques, and overall complexity. Has anyone seen this before? I can't be the only one impressed by Jacob's Ladder. If you've seen it, let me know what you think.


Five things I learned from Jacob's Ladder:
1. Lyne takes a little dramatic license concerning the dangers of a 106 fever.
2. Macaulay Culkin did make a pre-Home Alone film besides Uncle Buck.
3. The wonky-eyed guy is named Pruitt Taylor Vince and his wonkiness is caused by a condition called nystagmus.
4. It isn't possible to write about this movie without mentioning Elizabeth Pena dancefloor-fucking a giant devil creature complete with wings and tail to Abba's 'Voulez vous.'
5. Tropic Thunder doesn't really capture the horrors of Vietnam War the way I thought it did.

What's Your 'FAVORITE' Movie?

"What's your favorite movie?" Four words capable of bringing a superhuman cinephile to his knees. Usually asked by outsiders attempting to fill awkward conversation lulls, this bullshit question sucks because no matter what answer you give, it's never the right one.

Unless your favorite film actually is: The Godfather, Fight Club, or something that came out in the last six months (Dark Knight seems to be a popular choice), you're going to have a tough time explaining it to your co-worker's boyfriend. You know, the one that just got that job at the Ford dealership.

For those Lord of the Rings, Pulp Fiction, Shawshank fans, perhaps some explanation is in order. Just imagine, if you can, that there was a film. This film never had any cardboard cutouts made up from their characters. This film was made before Goodfellas and cannot be purchased as part of Hollywood Video's 3 for $25 deal. And you really like this movie. You love this movie. It's the funniest, or saddest, or most violently awesome movie you've ever seen.

Now imagine that none of the people you know have ever seen this movie before. You've just seen this amazing movie and you've got no one to talk about it with. Not only that, but your friends think you're weird for recommending it to them. Your family laughs you off too. No matter how great this movie is, you're new favorite movie, nobody seems very interested. Frustrating, isn't it?

Then someone asks you what you're favorite movie is. You get excited. Someone actually wants to know about this movie! They're interested! So you tell them! "My favorite movie is..."

And here's what happens (at least with me):

Scenario#1: This guy can't distinguish between favorite and best. Is The Warriors the best movie or my favorite movie? When I tell him my favorite movie is The Warriors, he tells me I'm wrong and then proceeds to explain to me the artistic mastery of Peter Jackson.

Scenario #2: This guy doesn't want me to answer with a title he's never heard of before. I say ''The Warriors.'' Then I'm greeted by the blankest of stares. Then one of us walks away.

Scenario #3: I say ''The Warriors.'' He says ''Oh yeah, that's a good movie. You know what else is good? Saw IV."

Clearly, this guy's never seen the movie I'm talking about. Now, I'm forced to make a difficult decision. Do I lie and say that not only did I see Saw IV but I loved Saw IV? Apparently, this is how this guy wants the conversation to go down. He lied about my movie. I'll lie about his movie.

However, that doesn't seem right. Why should I lie? I didnt' see Saw IV. I didn't miss it by accident either. Why make myself out to be cinematially ignorant for the comfort of this Cradle 2 the Grave fan? I end up brushing off his Saw IV ramblings and explaining why he should see The Warriors immediately. Oh great, now I'm that guy! The awkward film nerd/party hazard that corners some poor, defenseless business analyst for half an hour and talks his ear off about some movie no one's ever heard of before.

I'm generally okay with being that guy. I only took thirty minutes. Saw IV stole two hours from him. Plus, now, he's learned something. Never bring a Saw to a gun fight.

Scenario #4: I say ''The Warriors.'' This guy says ''The Warriors! I love that movie. Do you ever read this blog called "He Shot Cyrus?" It's the most entertaining blog ever written."

When that happens, I'll let you know how I handle it.

"I tell people it's Red Dawn but it's actually You've Got Mail."
- Seth Rogen (Undeclared)

Don't Judge a Movie by the Trailer: The House Bunny

I have never seen The House Bunny. However, I have seen the trailer.

If you haven't seen it, here it is.

Having watched the trailer, I feel eligible to pass judgment on this movie. Where to start...where to start? First off, I'd like to explain that I'm a pretty open-minded movie-goer. I'll watch great movies and awful movies and everything in between. My loyal readers will remember that Tom Arnold starred in three of my guilty pleasure movies. That being said, there is little that I find redeemable about The House Bunny.

First off, the premise. A Playboy bunny gets kicked out of the mansion for being too old (see: 27). Apparently this young woman has no life skills or talents to fall back on. She wanders around until she stumbles into a sorority house. Now, it's not a "normal" sorority house. The girls are "ugly," "unpopular," and...if you can believe it...smart. God forbid.

I put up with the take-the-glasses/overalls-off-the-nerdy-girl storyline in She's All That. But that was almost ten years ago. Today, I'm over it. As far as I'm concerned, Anna Faris is pretty damn talentless and needs to learn how to shut her mouth. It's not that she speaks too much. She just cannot shut her mouth, close her jaw, make her teeth touch, etc.

That took four minutes to make. Pretty easy to find a dozen pictures of Faris with her mouth propped open like a codfish. This is the only expression Faris can make: happy, sad, excited, worried, scared, horny. What her "roles" call for, she's got a gapped-mouth expression for it.

With Paris Hilton sextapes, Bratz dolls, and underwater princesses telling little girls to give up their voices for vaginas, America does not need another movie that preaches that sexiness is more important than intelligence. Boys matter more than books. A Master's Degree means nothing without money and make-up. Even if, by the end of the movie, the Playboy bunny learns that it's alright to stop stripping and start studying, I highly doubt the ends will justify the means.

But then again, I haven't seen the movie. I've only seen the trailer.

It's Been a Long Time...

Just wanted to show support and give thanks to the people who've done so for He Shot Cyrus. I try to do this every couple weeks and it just occurred to me that I hadn't done this in while. So here it is, the list.

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Daniel G. @ Getafilm

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Kaleen
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J.D. @ Valley Dreamin'
Keith @ The Kinetoscope Parlor

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J.D. @ Radiator Heaven
Kim @ Kim and Nick
Runs Like a Gay @ Runs Like a Gay
Taylor

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Joe @ Joe Doudna
Marilyn @ Ferdy on Films, etc.
Ms☆Go @ D.C. Movie Girl
Piper @ Lazy Eye Theatre
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Ronald
Ross Williams @ What I Watched Last Night
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T. Rigney @ The Film Fiend
Wayward Jam @ Reel Whore

Click on these links!
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Thanks to everyone who leaves me comments. I swear, you'll all be getting some comments from me soon.

Also, for those still wondering, the big announcement will be coming soon.
Can't give any hints except that it's going to be awesome!

Surprisingly Not Terrible

Mirrors

Keifer Sutherland takes a break from saving politicians to take on a group of reflective surfaces. Mirrors was surprisingly well made. The scary parts are definitely scary. The characters are believable. The plot holes are minimal.

An ex-NYPD officer gets a job working night security for a fire damaged department building. He replaces a man who had recently killed himself (in a terrifying opening scene). The first thing he notices is how clean all the mirrors are. The first thing I would have noticed was how many creepy-ass mannequins are lying all over the place.

The movie gets pretty creative towards the end when Keifer and his family realize that these demons can travel through any sort of reflective surface or substance (i.e. H2O). I'll bet the producers decided that Water and Mirrors sounded way too Bergman for American audiences. Just kidding, producers wouldn't know Bergman.

Here's how the movie breaks down the terror: mirrors for men; water for women. Broken glass shard wounds: for the men. Soaking wet white tops: for the ladies. For example:

[Pictured Above: (Left) Man slicing throat with glass. (Right) Hottie in wet, white top.]

That being said, the film was much better than expected. Does it objectify women? Sure, but not nearly as often as it objectifies demons. It seemed like every other shot had some offensive characterization of a demon. Everyone know they don't look like they do in Mirrors. They look like this:
So, while that may be a problem for some, most horror fans will probably find Mirrors to be a cut above the rest as far as recent scary movies go. The poster made it seem as though another - Japanese girl with wet hair who makes too much eye contact with you while standing outside your elevator window on every floor as it makes its way down to the apartment building lobby - type of movie. But it wasn't. The only girl with wet hair was this one:

Like I said, Mirrors was better than expected. The scary parts were scary. The characters were believable. And to top it off, Jennifer Connolly didn't star in it.