Kid Flicks: The Buttercream Gang

Every family has a movie (or movies) that, for one reason or another, takes the VCR/DVD Player hostage and receives more repeat viewings than it deserves. In our house, some of those movies were Sister Act, The Meteor Man, and 3 Ninjas. These are just some of the movies I want to write about in my new series, Kid Flicks.

Sometimes Mormon kids don't get to watch real movies. Sometimes they "get" to watch Feature Films for Families. Some were okay, others were no gosh darn good. But there was one that stood above the rest. The Buttercream Gang. Has anyone else seen this charming 90-minute PSA against headbands and bike theft?

Did you watch that trailer? Oscar-quality stuff. For those who missed (avoided) The Buttercream Gang during their childhood, let me catch you up on the important details. Pete (that Paul Reubens-looking guy) is the President of the Buttercream Gang--a group of charitable young suburban fellows. They help grandmothers, grandfathers, and anyone else suffering from the Near Death years. Pete is the valiant leader, that is, until he moves away, joins a street gang, and starts wearing cholo shirts.

When Pete moves back to town, it's up to Scott (the new Mr. Buttercream) to put a stop to his shoelace stealing and rebellious attitude. Luckily for Scott, he's got help from the rest of the gang. Together, they show Pete that real fun is to be found in bike riding and hugs.

For some reason, my family watched this movie...a lot. In fact, I found a Buttercream Gang DVD at Amoeba a couple years ago and proudly paid one dollar to take it home. Has anybody else seen this movie? Were you proud to share the same name as the newly-appointed Buttercream president? I was.

Kid Flicks: D2: The Mighty Ducks

Every family has a movie (or movies) that, for one reason or another, takes the VCR/DVD Player hostage and receives more repeat viewings than it deserves. In our house, some of those movies were Sister Act, The Meteor Man, and 3 Ninjas.  These are just some of the movies I want to write about in my new series, Kid Flicks.

D2: The Mighty Ducks is the best of the series.  The first one's a downer and the third one's lame.  It's the Secret of the Ooze of the Rowdy Kids Playing Hockey genre.

The stakes are higher, the characters are more memorable, and the culture lessons were more profound.  "Greenland is covered with ice and Iceland is very nice."  Tell me that didn't help you in college.    

The new additions to Team America (a.k.a. The Ducks) were great.  Not only did they add Julie "The Cat" Gaffney, the cutest goaltender 11-year-old Gringo ever loved, they also added a cowboy, a pro figure skater, a speed-skater with "stopping problems," and a Knucklepuck-shooting big mouth (played by Kenan Thompson).  And the Bash Brothers!  Two gargantuan thugs who headbang and mosh to "You Ain't See Nothing Yet."  (Note: Fulton was in the original Ducks; Dean was added and the rest was history.)

That brings me to the soundtrack.  This glorious soundtrack.  Not only do the boys trick models into parading around to The B-52's "Good Stuff," they also play street hockey to "WHOOMP! (There It Is)" and sing "We Are the Champions" around the campfire.  Throw in "Mr. Big Stuff" and you've got a soundtrack that rivals Angus.

 

Most Memorable D2 Moments:

1. It's Knucklepuck time!

2. The Greenland/Iceland explanation

3. The "Good Stuff" models

Kid Flicks: 3 Ninjas

Every family has a movie (or movies) that, for one reason or another, takes the VCR/DVD Player hostage and receives more repeat viewings than it deserves. In our house, some of those movies were Sister Act, D2: The Mighty Ducks, and The Meteor Man. These are just some of the movies I want to write about in my new series, Kid Flicks.

LIGHT UP THE EYES, BOYS!

LIGHT UP THE EYES!

My brother and I lived and breathed 3 Ninjas. For us, it wasn't corny at all. In fact, it was more than a movie, it was a step-by-step training manual for becoming a ninja.

What little kid didn't want to be a ninja? Movies like 3 Ninjas were just an excuse for siblings to practice karate on one another. And "practicing karate" was just an excuse to kick the hell out of each other while screaming loudly. "HI-YAH!" "LIGHT UP THE EYES!" "YOU MADE DAD LEAVE!"

When I was young, I hated visiting my grandparents. Old people, in general, made me uneasy. But Rocky, Colt, and Tum Tum's grandpa was pretty different than mine. Theirs was a ninja. Mine was a mailman. Theirs was inexplicably Japanese. Mine was white, just like the rest of us.

Maybe if my grandpa gave me throwing stars and a food-related nickname, he'd get a phone call every once in a while.

I recently showed my wife 3 Ninjas. She'd never seen it before. Needless to say, she didn't love it. In fact, she didn't make it all the way through. Whitney, if you're reading this, you already know I can cut off family for not supporting my 3 Ninjas love. Maybe you give it another chance, yeah?

Most Memorable 3 Ninjas Images:
1. The "Light up the eyes!" dummy
2. That disgusting old babysitter lady in the closet with pizza all over her disgusting face.
3. Ohhhh! The masks with the light-up eyes! They'd let you know when your parents were coming. Best invention ever.

Kid Flicks: Sister Act (1992)

Every family has a movie (or movies) that, for one reason or another, takes the VCR/DVD Player hostage and receives more repeat viewings than it deserves. In our house, some of those movies were 3 Ninjas, D2: The Mighty Ducks, and The Meteor Man. These are just some of the movies I want to write about in my new series, Kid Flicks.

My mom has a love-hate relationship with Whoopi Goldberg. She loves anything she's ever done that wasn't R-rated. Mormonism = Cinematic schizophrenia. Because we were a PG-only family, I never saw Burglar or Girl, Interrupted but I did see Eddie, Bogus, and Theodore Rex.

Sister Act is the one we watched most of all. Our VHS tape literally broke due to overuse. I can't tell you how many times seen Sister Act. There was a point in my life where I knew all of the words to all off the songs. Hell, I knew all of the words, period. My family loved this movie. And don't think our love stopped at the sequel. Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit not only entertained us for hours on end but it also introduced me Lauryn Hill who I had a bit of a crush on throughout the mid-to-late 90s.

Looking back at this beloved childhood classic, there's one scene I feel needs some discussion. For those who haven't seen it, the movie follows a lounge singer named Doloris Van Cartier who witnesses a murder and goes into witness protection with a convent. When she gets there, the nuns have trouble conforming her to their conservative lifestyle. But before we go too far, can we go back to the murder?

An off-screen gunshot to the (head? chest?) was quite a scarring occurrence for single-digit age kids such as myself. Now, death in movies was nothing new to me (The Brave Little Toaster, anyone?) but this might have been my first assassination.

The rest of the movie is fun nun-themed hijinks. Lots of singing, a "Mashed Potato" dance scene, and some slight digs at modern-day religion. I loved it then, I like it now. Sort of like Lauryn Hill.

Most Memorable Sister Act Images

1. The assassination, of course.

2. "Hey Alma, check your battery."

3. Whoopi's lounge singer hair.

Kid Flicks: The Meteor Man (1993)

Every family has a movie (or movies) that, for one reason or another, takes the VCR/DVD Player hostage and receives more repeat viewings than it deserves. In our house, some of those movies were Sister Act, D2: The Mighty Ducks, and The Meteor Man.  These are just some of the movies I want to write about in my new series, Kid Flicks.

African-American superheroes aren't easy to find.  For every Blade, Storm, and Bishop, there's about a billion other superheroes hosting paler complexions.  While researching for my thesis ("Hollywood's Depictions of Inner-City High Schools") I repeatedly came across journal articles discussing the lack of minority comic book characters.  Even with the emergence of the graphic novel, non-white heroes are still few in number.  I bring this up mostly because as a kid I LOVED The Meteor Man but had no idea just how important the movie was.

Robert Townsend is grossly underrated.  He's written, produced, directed, and starred in a a number of films that are equally underrated.  Don't believe me?  Get your hands on a copy of Hollywood Shuffle, a comedic satire aimed at the stereotyping of black actors in Hollywood. After you watch it, revel in the fact that this was his first film.

Townsend stars as Reed Jefferson, a mild-mannered inner-city citizen who comes into contact with a space rock that gives him superpowers.  He's strong, he flies, and he's backed up by a concerned Neighborhood Watch group.  Together, they take on The Golden Lords, a vicious street gang complete with matching hairdos and gold Slinkys.  

This is (to my knowledge) the only superhero film that directly addresses the issues of inner-city gang violence.  Other superheroes have fought random gangsters and thugs but Meteor Man worked with Bloods, Crips, and the police to stop street violence.  This came out in 1993, a time where Los Angeles was rioting over Rodney King and the East Coast/West Coast rivalries were beginning to heat up.  Gang membership was on a rise and their violence was too. Looking back, it becomes clear just how important Meteor Man was.  An African-American superhero who fought the real evils of the time. 

Another reason to check out Meteor Man is its huge ensemble cast.  Actors such as James Earl Jones, Bill Cosby, and Don Cheadle play prominent roles.  Townsend also embraced the hip-hop community by casting Big Daddy Kane, Naughty By Nature, Cypress Hill, and Another Bad Creation.  

Where I grew up, there were only three radio stations I could pick up: a country station, a hip-hop station, and a Mexican music station.  I didn't speak Spanish and I hated country.  That left hip-hop.  Cypress Hill's "Black Sunday" was released around the same time as this  movie and it didn't take me long to recognize B-Real as one of the gang leaders who helps Meteor Man at the end.  The soundtrack definitely played a part in my repeated viewings.

When I was young, I thought Meteor Man was the coolest.  I owned X-Men comic books but the movies were a decade away.  Superman wasn't my cup of tea and his movies were boring.  Batman was one of my favorites but his movies were deemed "too violent" by my parents.  That left Meteor Man.  His movie has awesome action, the ever-coveted rap music, and was funny.  And while it epitomizes "The Nineteen-Nineties" and looks completely dated today, it's still a fun watch and carries a message more important than most other superhero movies.

Memorable Meteor Man Images:

1. The gold Slinkys.

2. The newly united Bloods and Crips appearing on the rooftops--packing automatic weapons--to help a weakening Meteor Man.

3. Bill Cosby living in a basement.  For some reason, this really sticks out in my memory. 

The Meteor Man

Directed, Written, and Starring: Robert Townsend
Co-Starring: Eddie Griffin, James Earl Jones, Bill Cosby, Don Cheadle, and Sinbad
Release Date: August 6th, 1993
Studio: MGM