Month of Horror - Day Ten: Bride of Frankenstein

"He's blind! He isn't human!"

Anyone remember my review of Frankenstein from a while back? In short, I fucking loved it (the movie, not the review). (Edit: the movie and the review). The Universal Monsters have made such an impact on film and pop culture that those who haven't seen the actual films might feel like they have. Wrongwrongwrong. Frankenstein is top-notch and today it was time to learn about the Mrs.

As it would turn out, we wouldn't get much time to get to know the lady as she's hardly in the film. This movie would have been more appropriately titled Weekend at Frankies 2. Like every American child born after Jesus, Mary Poppins was a household staple for myself. Did you know that Katie Nanna, the grumpy woman who couldn't cut it as the Banks' childcare provider, also played the Monster Bride? Elsa Lanchester deserves to be the subject of a worldwide blog-a-thon. Once the bride finally does show up, she's wonderful, proving to the world, once and for all, that "no" means "no" and even more importantly, that frizzy hair shouldn't be hidden under hats or mummification garb. Her three guttural moans and two on-screen minutes were all it took to solidify her as...the only memorable female monster of the Universal era.

If the titular character only shows up at the end, what's the rest of the movie filled with? I'll tell you. Bride of Frankenstein is a humorous send-up of the monster genre, complete with angry villagers, mad scientists, and people mispronouncing the word "lever" (see: leever). After the windmill burns to the ground, the doctor's monster take off runnin' like Roman Polanski (too soon?). In the forest, he meets gypsies who are quickly attacked after they attempt to save their own lives from the 8'4'' creature who just invaded their camp. After they part ways, he meets a blind man.

In the world of Frankenstein, the blind are completely rejected from society, cast into poorly lit cottages in the middle of the woods, and left to die alone. Even the gypsies have each other. The entire blind community consists of one Apostle-looking guy with the eye problem. This one-man show takes in the green beast and decides to teach him how to speak. After just a few lessons, the monster speaks more eloquently than anyone ever featured on this website. In the end, his struggle to learn is thwarted by a man of indiscernible origin and his rifle.

I'm going to leave you, my dear readers, with a single question: who do you think got the kickback for the pro-smoking campaign launched about fourty minutes in?

Universal Monsters and Prop. 8

Pro Gay Marriage

Bride of Frankenstein

Her name is "Bride of Frankenstein." She was made to be a monster's wife. By the end of her movie, she has rejected her man leaving him to be buried underneath the laboratory he just blew up. A Bride sequel was in the works which followed her as she fell in love with a fair young woman from Notre Dame. Test studies showed that 1920s audiences weren't quite ready for a Monster/Gypsy lesbian silver screen romance. Bride, who later legally changed her name to "Enid," proudly cast her absentee vote against Prop. 8 right before boarding a Rosie Cruise to Puerto Vallarta.

Frankenstein

After being struck on the head by 160 tons of bricks, the newly single Frankenstein made some life changes. Some of them included hiking, hitting the gym twice a week, and renewing his online subscription to Jewish Adult Monster Friend Finder. After dating The Invisible Man's ex-girlfriend, Sue (who went on to marry a stretchy doctor), Frankenstein's world opened up. After an eventful afternoon at an animal rights meeting, Frank found his new passion in protesting. While his protest chants aren't always the most creative (DOGGGGGGGG!), his doctor-revived heart is in the right place. After coming to terms with "Enid's" new life, his protests switched to the Gay Rights movement. What's next for the busy activist? When asked, Frank was quoted as saying, "A Greenpeace rally on Monday, and then we prep for Yom Kippur."

Dr. Jekyll

He's a doctor. He's smart. He voted no.

Dracula

Dracula actually believes in traditional marriage between one man and one woman. However, his repeatred run-ins with religious fanatics has pushed him to always vote against the Catholics and the Mormons. It's reported that Dracula recieved threatening phone calls when his anti-Mitt Romney ad ran during daytime television commercial slots.

Against Gay Marriage

Quasimoto

This picture explains itself.
Side note, Esmeralda, also had a wonderful time on the Rosie Cruise.
But who doesn't have fun on a Rosie Cruise?

Mr. HydeHe's a monster. He's insane. He voted yes.

Creature of the Black Lagoon

The Black Lagoon was put on the map during the last few months from their constant, almost overbearing, support of Senator Obama. One unhappy Black Lagoon citizen has spoken out against his liberal community. During his late-night Public Broadcast television show, Creature Preacher, the Creature aired his special Please Obey, Don't Be Gay, which featured special local guests that included Pastor Ted Haggard and Satan. After the special aired, Creature was delighted to receive a check in the mail from a one Joe Smith (pseudonym?) for $4,500 with "Keep up the good work, brother" written in the memo section. The day after the election, Creature aired another special called Pro-Life/Pro-Wife which garnered him another $4,500 support check. Things seemed to be looking up the half-fish/half-man when Republican Governer Arnold Schwarchenegger passed a bill that would allow big businesses to dump their sewage waste into local lakes, rivers, and ponds. The final episode of Creature Preacher aired on November 9th, 2008.